I've been replaced

[lester]

Prayingwife,

I think the question you asked is one we all have asked at one point or another – does DBing work? Will it cause our spouses to come back? The answer is no. Whatever caused them to bend their morals and hurt those closest to them is based on what’s inside them and can only be fixed by them.

What DB does do as yoyo and hope can surely attest is help YOU and give you the confidence and strength to make it through these hard times. Think of it as you starting life anew free of the constraints of self-doubt and fear that so often comes with this situation. If your H is wise he’ll see your new life as something he wants to be a part of and can join you in it. But even if he doesn’t you feel so much better about yourself. The amount of growth and strength will be something to be proud of no matter what the outcome of your M.

What’s helped me is to detach from the situation. I know everyone talks about detaching from the person but I think you have to detach from the situation as well. Sure LBS’s aren’t perfect but what our spouses did was completely inappropriate way to handle the situation. That is to say, the WAS’s infidelity is THEIR problem. They may never own it but it is theirs in its entirety. Once I was able to see it that way and let my W either fix HER problem or not, then I was able to work on my self. Don’t own what’s not yours because you can’t and will drive yourself crazy trying.

Hope this helps.