It was ugly and not a proud moment. I am glad that there were no kids to see it. I have to talk with the officer tomorrow.
At least this seemed to be the thing that has flipped the switch inside of my brain. My H wants this, and not me, not his family? I will never understand it (not that I need to, it is true), but it is what it is right now. Even his parents believe that they deserve each other at this point.
I don't want him, not like he is now. And I don't see even the smallest glimmer or chance that he would do any of the work on himself that would need to be done to repair or rebuild / build a new R. I deserve so much more.
Its like my H died, and I am being haunted by this twisted apparition. It looks like him...but the man I knew and loved is gone. That is what is, today.
I am ready to live in the moment. The kids and I had a great time yesterday, even after the news. Maybe in spite of it. It is not the life that I wanted, but there are still things in it that can and will be good.
Oh, and if I were to move, it would be in selling the house. M&FIL have already said that they should not be a determining factor, as they will go to Fl to be close to her sister. I don't know; we'll see--it's just an option right now. H left so many unfinished projects around, and it would be nice to have something where everything was done.
I am tired of fighting the fight. I have been fighting it all, not accepting this reality. I have to walk away from this train wreck.
