There really are no familiar names here any more, althought Stoic ont he surface has reappeared, writng to others. Others have just probably died on the vine, or succumbed.
D16 is at home from school visiting for about 4 days, so W. will fall head over heels to make it work, and good for her. The atmosphere is usually super tense between them. I sent W. an email telling her that I hope the visit went well, and wished her luck.
W. used to blame either her unhappiness in the marriage or the tenseness between her and me......now what?
I can't worry about it right now. I go between thinking I'll be fine if this doesn't work out to the polar extreme of how horrible it will be to be alone......Nights, weekends...you all know. We used to have such fun as a family! (At least I thought so)
I'm surrounded by great people that I've spent the last 8 months with, with none of the interactions with W., so it's fairly easy now, but going home in 10 months........eh?
The highest ranking chaplian in the Army spoke here today. A major general. His advice was "Never Give Up". I wished I had not been working. It seemed perfect. It's based on the fact that suicides are going up here. Not dramatically, but enought to concern people.
Dear brother....I stopped by to tell you I am praying for you and your family! First, I want to thank you for putting your life on the line for OUR freedom to live the life we choose! I also want to say Thank You for standing for the restoration of your family!
As you said over on my sitch....you and I started on this "journey" at about the same time....in CT! Things have rapidly evolved in my sitch...really since about February...with the major reconciliation starting over Memorial Day weekend. Just last night my W and I were working on a home project with our 2 teenage sons...organizing the garage so they can work on their cars...when she asked me to go in the house with her. When we got inside, through tears (of joy)...she said, "I'm stopping the D...I need you to sign the withdrawal paper with me" (my attorney had told me that this was happening last week...but, I wanted to give my W the respect of telling me...so, I didn't say anything about it...I've learned not to mention the attorneys...that NEVER is a good thing).
FLTC - I believe you will have the same thing happen in your sitch...in God's perfect timing. I will try to catch up on your whole sitch...and pray about what God would have me share with you. Meanwhile, dear Brother, keep your chin up and your "head down" (in other words, be safe)...
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
Here are some things I ponder. I don’t go home for at least 9 months yet, so it’s not imminent that I need to answer these questions immediately.
1. I wonder when it’s time to go home, how will I broach the “Where will I live” topic. It may just have to be a direct: “I’d like to come home”. This will most likely be followed by “The children are adjusted to you not being in the house and I am too. They got happier every day when you were away. It would not be good for them”
2. I read FaithfulHusbands thread after seeing him here for the first time in months. He reconciled after about 10 months. How do you ever get over the awkwardness of the whole thing if you do try to reconcile. I’d have no issue, but you’ve read about my W (those here with me for a period of time)…dressing in the closet when I left, piling pillows a mile high in between us in bed, tearing the bedroom apart, throwing stuff through the wall, angry all the time. I’d pick her up from work every day at the train station. She looked like she had sucked on lemons all day, every day as she headed into the car. Got in only to be robotic. Would not even say “be safe” as I headed off to Iraq. Her hatred toward me over the previous year still stings: “I know you tried, but your best sucked”, “Don’t you want to find someone who knocks your socks off?” (WHAT?) “You’re not a bad guy, you just don’t satisfy my emotional needs”, the old favorite “We have nothing in common” I once said to a marriage counselor back in 2003 “W is like an improvised spouse device. (Like IEDs here in Iraq). You never know where it will go off, for what reason of how long it will last. The whole thing was exacerbated by my D17, who was completely out of control, and magnified everything.
Maybe time and distance…who knows? Our Chaplain here and FaithfulH believe “time is on your side” She has been almost civil the past couple of times I called. No expectations..for what.
3. I don’t ever want to tell my kids that I want or wanted a divorce, nor do I feel I have to, but it makes it seem like I’m turning the kids against her if I don’t try to say the usual stuff. I really want her to do it if that’s what she wants. She once told me “I’ll need your help on this one” (explaining to the kids that SHE wanted a divorce) I know I had stuff to improve. I get that, but I don’t want any part of ever telling my kids this was any part of my idea.
4. I don’t want the awkward set up like before I left. Three nights a week at my old house. Shuffle the kids around while she stayed away, fix dinner, pay for the food, clean up and then go back to my closet-like apartment to get 4 hours of sleep to go to work the next day. When I would be ready to go home, she would not be home, and would get angry if I went home with the kids alone. Ds were 16 and 15 at the time, S was 8. I don’t want that kind of life for anyone. If she never wants back, I want to try to have a happy life without her, and that means find someone to share some time with. Seeing the kids this way is absolutely draining for everyone.
Well, all for now. Always good to hear from my friends here on the site. You guys have kept my head above water for over a year now. I really love you guys for that. I’ve said it before, you’re better than the $185 therapist I used to see: “Well, FLTC, what do YOU think?”
FLTC Personally I believe if they want out then they file and they leave otherwise you are making it easy for them.
Coming home is awkward reguardless of the situation before. I agree with the time since staying there was getting you nowhere.
I am now authorized to break things only. On a happier note A friend (26 yr old Female) I met on the beach is now getting ready to enlist in the Navy. Wants to be on a ship. Haze Grey and underway baby. Took her to the USS Alabama to acclimate to the environment. Improved now but many things similar.
Keep the faith.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
I think you may be pretty close to my age as I remember. 26 year old? Just a friend? Good for you! There may be hope for all of us! Are you readying to come back in? This place will still be here when and if you do! Thanks for always looking in on me, brother! I met a 24 year old when I wsa at PA when I was out to dinner one night. She sent me a note across the bar. I replied I was old enough to be her father. She sent me a note back that read "So?" There are other women out there. That would have been an easy one nighter, but I'm so not into that. I have been celibate for 4 years now, and it was incredibly tempting. 500 miles from home. No one would know. But I would........
I think it will come my way again if this falls apart. That was a big ego boost, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Not that I'm Ozzie Nelson, but.....
Faithful: How did this evolve for you? You seemed pretty hopeless last year as I recall. I can't ever see my wife ever softening...on anything she has every done, she has nerv thought she was a bit at fault, except when it came to D16, and then she over-blamed herself...and of course, her unhappiness an the M. Whether it be neighborsd or former friends....she's never thought she was at fualt for any of the issues where she's thrown them under the bus. But....
Faithful: How did this evolve for you? You seemed pretty hopeless last year as I recall. I can't ever see my wife ever softening...on anything she has every done, she has nerv thought she was a bit at fault, except when it came to D16, and then she over-blamed herself...and of course, her unhappiness an the M. Whether it be neighborsd or former friends....she's never thought she was at fualt for any of the issues where she's thrown them under the bus. But....
FLTC, I was absolutely hopeless last year. In November, I got on Match.com and set up a date....just 3 months after my W filed. Thank God that AmyC and others here slapped me back to sensibility and I never met the lady. In December I almost accepted a job move to Florida...which would have surely hurt my chances of reconciling (I think). But, in February, things began to turn rapidly. Suddenly my W filed a "Motion for Reconciliation" which in essence puts the whole Divorce process on hold for 6 months while you determine if you can make a go of it. At the time, she told me it was so she could spend time with our kids...which she did....but, it was obviously because she was beginning to believe in US....if only slightly. The next 3 months brought lots of bright spots...my W threw birthday parties for both of our teenage sons....AND ME! Then she went with me to my parent's 50th wedding anniversary in KC...a huge thing. At the end of May, we began the reconciliation in earnest....just like an extended honeymoon...AMAZING! I have to say that this whole thing has been a miracle before my eyes. God gets all the glory...if I get ANY credit it is for staying out of His way!
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
Why the turnabout? What made her change her mind? I could read your thread, but my time is pretty much devoted to attack windows on the roads of Iraq these days!
