I'm sorry for all that you are going through. You have already been through so much.
Your letter was beautiful, heartfelt and honest.
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I feel like he isn't even upset about this. I just crashed. I was okay all week, and now I feel awful. I'm crying. I feel like he's just saying, "oh well, we couldn't make it work." I wish I saw regret. I wish he was upset about losing me.
Oh mamma I know this feeling all too well. I too would love to have seen/see emotion from my H. To see regret to see that he feels a loss too. I don't know if we will ever see this. It is something that we have to learn to let go. To not let it eat at you. How could they not feel regret and loss? We have been there wives, lovers, friend and mother to their children. Somewhere in them lurks our Hs and in that person regret and loss are found. The MLC monster has taken over for now and locked all that away. Remember, the MLC says they feel NOTHING. I have to believe that is true.
Please don't blame yourself for his inability to face reality. We all make mistakes but his choice to revert back to inappropriate behavior is just that HIS CHOICE. You didn't make him do it!
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I guess I just hate the feeling that I was in any way responsible for us getting to this point. I want to tell myself that I did everything I could...
It sucks feeling responsible, partly, for reaching the point we have. I HATE that. I know I wasn't the perfect W and neither were you (no offense). No one is. We are all flawed people. There comes a point you reach when you have to save yourself and your children from direct heartache and suffering. When your H moves out there will probably still be heartache and pain but you will find more peace on your own right now it seems. You have done all you could do. Now it's time for you to step back and beathe deeply and center yourself again.
Much love to you. Shades
p.s. if this doesn't make any sense it's because I'm drinking and typing.
