Aaaah yes, this week I have lost it as well, and definately slid us backwards a bit. Its hard to do a calm battle with our spouses, because they are looking for a fight, pushing our buttons, wanting to make us the bad guy, wanting us to do those things we always do. So they can say "See, this is why we are in trouble.". I think your W is angry because you *have* changed your behavior (calming down) and she is confused by it. Confusion is good, they just don't know what to do with it, so they lash out.
I am sad to see your kids brought into the fight. Nobody should use their kids as leverage, that's just so wrong in so many ways. Even my crazy punk H realized that awhile back, and since then we can remain calm when discussing possible separation. So far.
I am so sorry!!!!
I have no advice, but to just continue on, head held high and know that yes, the fight happened, but you stopped it by calming down, and that's a big improvement.
