Now I've done it

[nephartiti]

Went to see my therapist. What a wonderful woman. She reminded me that none of this is my faullt. H made his own choices, and they were immature and selfish. I contributed to the dynamics of the reationship, but this is his mess.

We talked about my control issues, stemming from childhood of course.

Getting to my therapist was hectic. My babysitter bailed last minute. In a moment of desperation, I called H (I know this is the worst time). He didn't answer, and I didn't leave a msg. Managed to find childcare. Cried all the way to my therapist. Parked the car, and H calls my cell. I almost didn't answer, probably shouldn't have, but I did. Kept it light. He said he was returning my call. Told him I was going to ask him to watch the kids, but I had it covered.

Me: "sorry about last week"
H: You mean at the school?"
Me: yes
H: Yeah, well, I was upset. I know you were too. I had to go talk to them.
(it was silent. This is where I would normally apologize over and over and try to kiss his a$$)
H:Thanks for the pictures of the kids (I've sent 4 this week). That was really nice
Me: You're welcome. You know you are welcome to come see them anytime. Just call.
H: Yeah, I am going to Riverside this weekend. Thought I might take them for the weekend.
Me: I'll think about that and let you know
H: We're going to hang out at my brother's (brother lives in Norco, not Riverside)
Me: I'll think about it and let you know. I have to go to my appt. We'll talk later.
H: OK
Me: OK bye.

Okay, ladies, does this make sense? He's seen the kids twice in 3 1/2 weeks. Now he's going to take them for a whole weekend? Away from home? He can't even get his story straight on where he is going!

HOw do I handle this? If I say NO, I am being controlling and keeping him from his kids. If I say yes, my nursing infant and toddler will be away from me in a strange environment, possibly with OW.

Maybe I should just trust and let go. Maybe this will be a good time for him to reconnect with his kids. He was going to keep S2 overnight once, but he got fussy and was brought home. Maybe I should let life teach its own lessons. I just don't want the kids to suffer.

I think I am not going to call him back. Chances are the weekend will just blow over. If he calls, I don't know what to do. I think I would feel differently if he had consistently been seeing them this whole time. He's in town everyday and doesn't come. AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!! He is impossible!