Growing up is hard to do

[peaceful_spirit]

H is coming home in a little bit and I'm a ball of nerves. He's been in Vegas since Sunday. I gave him the letter Sunday night and early Monday he left for Vegas. We spoke briefly yesterday. I TMd him today, "safe flight". Other than that, we have not communicated.

Today was a hard day. I have these flashes of memories that are like daggars through my heart. I am thinking about the trip to DIsney just a month ago. It hurts. It hurts that we were happy at that time, and now it's come to this again.

I felt myself going soft again today. I'm playing out all these conversations in my head about what we'll say to each other. I am also starting to think the reality of what this will do to my kids. Then I start to feel responsible... like I have the power to keep my family together for my kids, but I'm not. That is what really kills me.

I am nervious for him to come home.