How do others handle porn in their relationships?

[Dom R]

There's also the issue of "you think it's wrong, he thinks it's ok".

If you want it to stop, you have two (marriage-friendly) alternatives:

a) convince him that it is wrong
b) convince him that it hurts you, so he should stop anyway.

This "try to limit" thing, sounds like bunk.
First of all.. .if he CAN limit it, to only "once a month", why not just stop altogether?
Secondly... if he CANT stop (and sounds like he cant.. or at least, hasnt convinced himself it's important enough to), then that is the definition of an addiction, and he should seek professional help.

So you might confront him on that: "So, CAN you stop, or are you addicted and you need professional help?"

as Yoda says, "do, or do not. there is no 'try'"
he might resonate with that one, being a guy an all


oh waitaminit.. you arent married yet. So, you have a chance to be a bit more direct with him.

The best thing you can do, is share with him, exactly what you just shared with us. that it may not be physically cheating, but it makes you feel like you are 'sharing him' with other women. and that you could not be married to a man, who is not exclusively committed to you at the sexual level.

Side note: if you're going to be drawing the line at his online fantasies, I hope that you are completely "clean" yourself, in the fantasy world. That is, no "oh I think viggo mortensen is SOOO hot!" type things from your side.

Decide what kind of commitment you need from a marital relationship. Then dont compromise on it. Call off the wedding if you have to. If it is more important to him than you now... and you marry him... it will be all the more worse for you if you do get married.