FLTC: from Iraq

[BeingMe]

Yeah! What catfan says!

[Matilda2]

Belated birthday greetings, FLTC!

[No_hill_for_a_Swimmer]

FLTC
Sounds like you are doing the best with what you have available. That's all you can do. Kids will respect your sacrifice and it will influence their thinking on duty in their future in ways you now cannot imagine.

Msg from a former Platoon Leader now USMC OPS chief USMC(RESERVE) on his 4th tour to the region. (one Gulf, 3 OIF)

We're fighting the war one day at a time. But we're winning. I can see it. I've seen Iraq in 03, 04, 05, and now 07. We're winning.

I asked him for details from the locals. Hope the view from your pos is similar.

[FLTC]

OK, Here we go.

CF: Got a response from W. re: savings. As you know, D16 is out in Utah for her seventh month of school. W says it's a struggle month to month to pay everything. D16s behavior and relation with W, especially were terrible. D16 insisted she has had "issues" going back to 4th grade, especially w/ W. but W. never listened to her. A little melodramatic, but, it's her reality.

W and D16 got into fist fights last year. W. in turn blamed me saying that had I been a better husband, I would have made her stop. (In the words of one of my friends here who went through hell with his former wife: "Sounds like an individual soldier responsibility to me")

If you've read my previous threads, W. always did what W. wanted to do no matter what. Last summer, she tore the bedroom apart, throwing glass bowls through walls, fist fulls of jewlerey at me as I tried to calm her down. Granted, it was 2 months after I tried to check out of life, and she agreed to try and work it out, so I get the frustration.

Her response: "I was being alone with my own things" WHAT??? All 3 kids witnessed this. She will probably say, that's never happened again, because she's now "Happy"...bulls%&t.....

In 2004, I said to W: "I know why D13 (younger daughter) reacts so strongly when you take her to task on anything. No one wants to feel your rath....MY EXACT WORDS. (D13 would say over and over "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.. almost hysterically)

W.'s response to me: "So, you think I'm a shi^^y mother?" 180 degree shift onto me. She honestly believed I could make any difference trying to intervene with D16????????

Anyway: D16's school is almost 8K a month. That's where she needs to be right now. That puts a tremendous burden on finances at home with 2 other kids. All the money I make here is pretty much tax free, and I have to write separate checks to start a savings plan here. So, no....I haven't saved anything. Excuses? Maybe.

A vindicative (or maybe stronger) individual would state to W: "I'm putting 1K away because I refuse to live in the same pathetic surroundings when I return"

That aside: I can already feel that I am a different person from the one who left for Iraq in June. This experience in a war zone has filled such a void in me, that it's almost indescribably. Before W. announced she wanted a D back on July 30, 2006, I was the most outgoing, self-confident person you would meet (at least outwardly. I'm actually a painful introvert who works at it every day in 2 jobs that require being extroverted)

After that announcement, my spirit and almost my whole reason for being died (as I almost did at my own hand as you may recall...bad times) I talked with an Army doctor before I came here about what I did. He assured me that he had seen it a bunch of times before in the Army. His best line was "Some people break their leg and it heals..you had a broken spirit", almost like a chaplian rather than a doctor. He was so great!

Serving in this high level position at a high level of personal performance has really restored a lot of my confidence. I'm still 10 months from returning home, and as the Iraqis say "an shalah"..... whatever is God's will. I can't control it. I get a vote, but mine doesn't count.

I will continue to email W. and talk to kids and email them. I'll still have a good job when I return, and provided I continue to perform at my current level, a Bronze Star.....an incredibly rewarding and humbling feeling. Not that you EVER come here for that, but what a tremendous feeling. To have an award that recognizes...I was there when I was called and needed....nothing like it. I have a sense of peace within myself I have not felt since this whole nightmare began.

If things don't work out, I refuse to be the victim and say, as I did before: "I'll live in a refigerator box..you keep the house. You buy 25 dollar bottles of wine, I'll continue to not have a stove. I'll demand accomodations that won't throw me into that rat hole I was in last year.

As BeingMe and COG have both said: I am a good person. I don't deserve to be treated like an old carpet as I was before, but it's just not in me to ever be the one to initiate a divorce, unfortunately as bad as things get.

One of W's close friends said I was almost like a battered spouse. COG has seen this behavior longer than even CatFan!!!!

He's right...My W. is a sick person...I've heard it from several prople who have been with me throughout this, including many neighbors that she has alienatied......but what can I do about that...continue to email. Not to make excuses, but look at the behavior...go back and read he threads.

Probably true, but you ALL know the desperation of the situation, because YOU'RE ALL IN IT OR HAVE BEEN IN IT!!!!! It took both of them saying that to look at that once again and really BELIEVE IT. I may get divorced, and I may be lonely...for a while. I AM really a good guy who deserves someone nice or at least kind....

At 8K a month.....what money is available anyway? I don't really care.

NoHill: You may be back here yet again. Where were you last time? Out in MNF-W with the Marines? In my job, I see the same stuff that GEN Petraues briefed on TV. His numbers ARE accurate. Warriors hate to leave any job undone.......I have time to write tonight, because there's not a lot going on. No MEDEVACS overhead all day.. Your former PLT SGT IS right, too bad most of America doesn't believe it.

[BeingMe]

My W. is a sick person...I've heard it from several prople who have been with me throughout this, including many neighbors that she has alienatied......but what can I do about that.

Okay, here is a bit of a 2x4 thrown your way, dear FLTC ...

Do more than not make excuses! Keep a record of your W's behaviour and actions, and if it comes to D, get custody of the children. Perhaps, you should move back into your own house when you go back to the States (it's your home, and you have every right to it ... get some legal advice on this), and if your W is unhappy, she can go live in a foxhole somewhere. She definitely needs to see a psychiatrist, but how does one get her to do that? Tearing one's bedroom apart in the manner you described is not normal ... your D13 saying sorry, sorry over and over again, is not normal (my heart just broke reading that) ... having fist fights with one's child is not normal ... alienating neighbors is not normal either (and, I am guessing that you have only told us the tip of the iceberg version). Your W needs help, and for the sake of the kids, I hope she gets it, or you find a way to get her into some sort of psych evaluation when you get home.

Can your D16 not go somewhere else that's not so expensive? Do you pay the school directly, or does your W pay them? What I mean is ... is it really $8,000 a month, or is that what your W tells you?

Not vindictive to save some money for yourself!

W.'s response to me: "So, you think I'm a shi^^y mother?"

For her to have thrown that at you, means that she knows deep down that she is. What was your response? I hope, "hell yeah!" Okay, I'm being mean, but I still have your D13's 'sorry, sorry's' in my head. I have a D14, and when she says sorry for anything, it's a realization of her wrongdoing, and she just says, "um, sorry mom". I have such a close R with my daughters, and my son (although my D20 is not living up to her potential right now, but she will eventually ... I have faith in her), that I cannot imagine having one in a school far away because of my actions, or another living in fear of me (and I used to have anger issues myself, so I know what I'm talking about ... starting to wonder if I did now ... anger issues, I mean ).

Okay, enough of my opinions, and I think I'm starting to not make sense now. Hope the lack of MEDEVACS continues. Take care of yourself, and you should be d*mn proud of your service to your country.

(((((HUGS)))))

[COG]

FLTC,

Okay now make sure you count your blessings. You were really frustrated, angry, and hurt that she hadn't responded to your emails, so praise the Lord for the small things. Be happy that she responded to you. It's a positive step and needs to be respected, and relished.

The money thing is tight. Is that really something that needs to be settled right now? I'm thinking that after your 10 months is up you head home, and you plan on moving home! If that does'nt work with W, then maybe she should move out, OR you find an appropriate place to live. In any case, I don't think it's an issue that has to be solved now.

You've got to get yourself strong with her. You've got to know without any doubt that she is deeply disturbed, and you can not allow her actions to bring you down. You are the rock, the leader. It's the toughest mission you've ever been awarded.

God Bless,

COG

[No_hill_for_a_Swimmer]

FLTC

Where were you last time? Out in MNF-W with the Marines? In my job, I see the same stuff that GEN Petraues briefed on TV. His numbers ARE accurate. Warriors hate to leave any job undone.......I have time to write tonight, because there's not a lot going on. No MEDEVACS overhead all day..

I believe it's called Duty and Mission Accomplishment with no excuses. Every generation of Americans are capable of this though many are not called and that is a good thing.

My AO was from 20 mi W of Ramadi to Haditha. Our base was FOB Hit and most time was in the desert either overwatch or chasing hi value targets in souped up Opals with HumVees full of Marines. Had plenty of camel spiders, scorpions, and a few Asps to keep us company with the always present wild dog population.

I was with two different USMC platoons, one active and one reserve. The reserve was working with a local Iraqi National Guard unit (who doubled as muj on their days off) and the active was mostly in the desert doing various missions. When Jack Nicholson (A Few Good Men) said "I sleep 300 feet from people who want to kill me" we took off 290 feet and called Jack a sissy. You learn to go from sleep to condition one, eyes muzzle, target in 1.3 seconds with your 9 to survive. Good stuff.

Learned a lot about no excuses, mission accomplishment, leadership out the wazoo, and no BS. I imagine many of your Sgts., staff and senior NCOs are the same. Calling it an education was a huge understatement.


One side benifit of this conflict as contensious as the politics are is we now have a huge population of active, reserve, and guard personnel with real experience and unlike our Vietnam Bros we do not have the negative stigma. Though the WWII generation is lauded I feel the Vietnam Vets had more items thrust upon them and we benifit from America differentating the war from the warrior. Unless America goes through the experience (I hope not) they cannot fathom the experience. No amount of excellent writing (Hemmingway, Gen Powell, Phil Capidto (Rumor of War)) can educate them. I could not learn it from their writings.

When you get back you can look anyone in the eye.

If a future conflict arises this pool would not make ground level tatical mistakes and probably take care of business in short order if allowed to do so.

I will not ask where your AO is since I feel the less public info the better. Leaving and returning CONUS under the wire has it's benifits.


Your Daughter is an investment. Yes an expensive one but pays greater returns and an IPO in Dell or Yahoo. If it benifits my D Ill live under a bridge cause in the end integrity and the Lord is all we got.

When it gets closer to the freedom bird time keep in touch. You will be suprised of your thoughts and wants 9 - 15 months from now.

[FLTC]

Thanks,all three of you guys. You're always there fo me like clockwork! BeingMe: CAG and NoHill have followed my saga for almost a year now, so welcome to the distinguished club. Maybe becasue I've been away fro so long, but I'm what I guess is detached to a pretty good degree at this point. I have a lot of things I'm thinking about when I go homw, but that won't be for about 10-11 months, and I've only been away for 8. Maybe T2 was right when he said it will "give us both a chance to step back" and look at things.

W. has always been an "injustice collector". Has never said "sorry" once in 20 years. I said it all the time. I jsut can't stay mad. I told you all the story how she's been angry with another women for about 3 years because it was "silent Sunday" at D13's soccer game to put a leash on unruly parents. One mom cheered for her daughter. W. was managing D's soccer team and told woman it was "silent Sunday" Woman said half-jokingly "Are you the noise police?" W. has been angry since then. continues to be short with woman who's daughter goes tos chool with my D. They're good friends on the same HS soccer team. D 13 is now D15! I'm over stuff in 30 seconds!



I'm REALLY glad you guys are here for me. I get really nothing from home. Kids are busy....people forget you when you're gone.

I'm always amazed that someone can dismantle a family because they're "unhappy" or not "emotionally satisifed" when both of those things sem so easy to fix once you identify it, but too much H2O may be under the bridge. Who knows. A guy here with me has a brother going through the same thing...3 kids... fo what?

Sam questions for the last year......no answers.......an shalah! what can you do? I really feel for my kids.......

Hill: The west out by Ramadi and Fallujah is a model for the way ahead. It used to be the worst place on the face of the earth when you were here.

Write when you can

[No_hill_for_a_Swimmer]

I'll never forget the first tour. Worked with the best people I've ever met and there was never a shortage of love for the job. I feel our restraint though it cost USMC and USN lives help set up the conditions now. Honestly we did not enjoy the level of restraint we exercised.

Sorry about the home support. The kids do love you but it's tough for them. I know what you are thinking about them (busy and everything) but rest assured you are in their thoughts. My kid watched CNN to see me for her it was tramatic.

As far as any other support honestly you are your own support system. Sounds harsh but it's simply what I noticed during my tour.

[COG]

FLTC,

In my job, I see the same stuff that GEN Petraues briefed on TV. His numbers ARE accurate. Warriors hate to leave any job undone.......I have time to write tonight, because there's not a lot going on. No MEDEVACS overhead all day.. Your former PLT SGT IS right, too bad most of America doesn't believe it.

I know MANY Americans that do believe it, and still stand behind our mission. That a few squeaky wheels, even the majority if that's true, are not willing to see things through, does not mean there aren't millions of us THAT DO!

I'm proud to say that I'm one of them and I know many others. Now don't YOU go believing everything you read or see on TV. Most of us back here in the states DO appreciate the job you're doing, and still DO stand behind our mission. Let's see it through, finish the job this time. It's never easy to do the right thing, but it's a whole lot easier when we've sent the best to do the job.

God Bless,

COG