I hate to scare you here.... but my marriage has taken a long time to get where it is. To where my husband really does appreciate me and treat me quite a bit differently then he used to. Sometimes he reverts back to it, but overall he does show more appreciation than he ever did. I suspect his father used to treat his mother this way. I think it has taken a lot of time, experience and maturity for my husband to finally reach this point.
In my marriage, over the years, my husband moved in and out quite a lot. His way of dealing with problems was to runaway and I was always the glue or the patient one trying to pull it back together. Always trying to fix it. That's a role I finally had to give up. But if I had given up earlier would that have made a difference? Perhaps he needed to get to a point where he had the maturity? I don't know. Sometimes you have to weigh in your intuition...
With your options I think you have to figure out what will be best for you. What you can live with. For example, what would be the pros and cons of divorce? (and divorce would be much worse to go through than expected) Could you put up with someone who is cheating on you for your kid's sake? (I personally could... since I didn't have a dad living with me, I know what that is like and it's something I would never want my children to have to go through). What's the timeframe you are willing to deal with OW in your life? How much information do you need to be comfortable? (I personally would want to know where everything stands, I don't like being surprised with information so I'd probably keep tabs on what my husband was doing.... I'm still hoping to get the password to his email account one of these days!!!).
There's a lot of things to consider. Since your husband does seem to want to be with you that's a huge plus. I'd look at OW as a challenge. I'd probably try to be such a fabulous wife that she'd completely pale in comparison. I'd be the perfect listener, sex partner, friend, companion... you name it.... and that way if things did seem to get out of hand or H decided to leave... he'd definitely regret it. At the same time I'd still DB, GAL, 180 and do things for me. That way I'm prepared to be happy regardless of where things go.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
