Cold differentiation, fusion and stuff.

[fearless]

As far as LFL it just struck me as odd that that was a reason that she picked out not to read the book, it rang of a fear of disapproval from her husband to me when I read it and I would love to be wrong about it.

I took it the opposite way. I took it as FIRSTLY LFL thinks Dr. Laura is a hypocrite and SECONDLY the book would not interest Mr LFL. I took from that that IF Mr LFL had some interest in her reading the book it's POSSIBLE she might consider it. But in her case if she has no interest AND her H has no interest, what would be the purpose. My take anyway...

I'm just curious if you think that it was " all his fault " not in a victimhood way just what if anything you may have brought to the relationship dynamic.

No I definitely don't think it was "all his fault." In fact I struggle with feeling like it was ANY of his "fault." I end up feeling that I as the "healthy" (well working on it anyway) one should have recognized what was going on and gotten him and us into counseling. I also wish I had had the strength to deal with his first serious EA in a more productive way. I've said before that my counselor (became my IC after MCing stopped) thought that the only thing I hadn't done that might have worked would have been to leave him. That was frustrating and reassuring to hear. I think it might have worked but just as likely he might have thought I was a "crazy b!tch" and have refused to do anything. Bottomline is that I married to stay married and the idea of divorcing just because he had a friend I wasn't comfortable with seemed ridiculous to me. NOW, with the knowledge I know have, the idea of a separation to express feelings and encourage WORKING on the marriage would have worked. I just didn't know that separation was anything other than preparing to divorce.

And NOW I am shutting the computer down and getting in the car. Really truly I am.