Fearless given that Schnarch seems to think that fusion and enmeshment problems are a natural part of marriage do you think it's possible that you may be ignoring some of the ways that it could have manifested in your relationship?

?? Fusion was definitely there because my XH was not differentiated. What is strange is that it was not apparent to either of us AND that he projected his fusion onto me. i.e. While in reality he looked to me to lead, he also hated himself for wanting me to lead and would then accuse me of expecting him to make all the decisions. Confusing? Imagine LIVING it.

Lust for life - You said "However, my H would probably be disgusted and annoyed to see that book in our house or that I was following her hypocritical advice." Would your husband really try to control what books you read? If this is a serious reason not to bring home a book I would be questioning how free and equal you actually are.

I'm sure LFL will have her own take but I don't see her saying that her H control anything or would not allow the book in the house. She said he would express his feelings of disgust. What's wrong with that?

Oh and great question for Cobra:))

By the way, and I know y'all will be disappointed, I need to head for Ohio and will probably not post until tomorrow. I know. Just think of all the work you can get done if you don't have to waste time reading my posts and trying to understand every nuance of me. You are doing that, right?? I'm talking to you CAC4 ;\) (I so wish sarcasm translated to the written word better.)



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus