back to square -1 or -10000

[cat03]

I guess is like trying to drill/ask an insane person why he is insane when he himself doesnt' know what's happening to him.

=================
I can not expect him to do everything like I would
...anymore than he can expect that of me
===============
I only see my side, he is hoping so much that I understand but I sometime I just don't let. Well, i'm trying to, something ugly came up last night..sigh.. I asked about it.. then realized "hey, i'm not supposed to be asking questions!" and txted him to forget it, that we'll talk about it in the future (which was something he said at the begining, though later he was giving me answers on his own about that topic)

But even if I dont' believe the explanation he just gave me, I'll stop, no more questioning about that at all, and I hope that that becomes my modus operandi, that when things come up my mind will be trained to tell me "stop, let this be for now".

Still totally unconfortable about the $ we are giving her tomorrow, but, I'm giving my first leap of faith, I'm trusting him it is for the car repair, I've asked around and that is the price of repair. He just called me, asked me where the dr's office is for his appt today... he's been there 3 times in the past yr..it's 5 min from out home, and yet, he can't remember where it is, just like he can't remember the shop he went to one time. So here we go... putting the first brick on my trust walkway.

[Phoenix_spark]

Trust is the only, sane way you are going to make it out of this.

(((HUGS)))

[imLIN]

Cat03...you have mentioned several times that you hope the money is for a car repair...this makes me think you feel it is for something else...care to share your feelings with me???

You did good not continueing your questioning...and I would look forward to tomorrow...a new start and a new beginning for you and H with OW GONE!...I would even suggest a little outing for the two of you...could be just pie and coffee...just to reconnect and reassure each other of your committment and how OW being "paid off" makes it time for a new start for the two of you...then leave it at that and start chatting about future, fun, kids....etc..

Take care....Lin

[cat03]

well, about the $, before I realized I could go with him to drop off the letter I thought it'd be another lie like the NY trip (wasn't work related but a fun trip w/friends and I gave him $$ for it)
Now, I get to get the money order, put her name on it, put it on the envelope with the letter I read that he wrote and watch him slide it under her door.

So, I guess that puts to rest my fear of him using the $ for something else. Then, I didnt' want to give her one more dollar than he owed her, perhaps she wanted to get paid for something else that he should'nt have to pay (I dont' know, and outing? for the beach room she never used but paid for anyways?)
So, those were the 2 reasons why I wasn't sure it was for the car.

But, it will be over... on his end. I told him, that if I ever find out he went to her for ANY reason or he decides to have a girlfriend down the line that that'd be it, I would file myself for divorce, and I will, if it happens again, this is the end of my rope. It might seem unforgiven to some, but that is my limit, this is as much punishment I can take from his part if something like this were to happen again.

Well, here comes tomorrow, my H is changing his # cell again today, I pray this woman decides to leave him alone and not to try to get the # again.

Yea, I should plan something, we haven't gone out in a while. Thanks guys

[BeingMe]

It might seem unforgiven to some, but that is my limit, this is as much punishment I can take from his part if something like this were to happen again.

We all have our limit ... doesn't mean we don't forgive, but does mean we no longer wish to try and trust someone who has proven themselves untrustworthy.

Dr. Phil says (I am a fan, but he doesn't have all the answers - no-one does really - but does have some really good advice and tips, even close to DB'ing): "You know you're ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door with no anger, frustration or hurt. Otherwise, you've got unfinished business."

I think there is some validity to this, and something to think about (even for me, in my sitch). Anyway, I understand where you are coming from. I know that if my H does anything like he did, that would it for me.

[Aud31]

Thinking of you Cat--hope things go okay today.

[cat03]

Thanks Aud)))))))

imLin, never looked at it that way. I'm having a hard time pictureing walking through a divorce without feeling either of those 3(anger, frustration or hurt) , but I guess being unforgiving would only hurt me. I guess I meant, I wouldn't take him back.

Well, we went together to drop off the letter, he's changing his # as I type, but I still dont' feel any better, I guess only time and his commitment will make me believe him. Have a weekend planned at some cabins with my church, that should help clear the air a bit

[Phoenix_spark]

So, how did it go?

[Aud31]

I'm with Phoenix...details, girl! We need details!

Seriously, I hope your weekend was a step towards healing.

[cat03]

Sitch is settling down, though I know the sitch at work looms over him overall he's acting almost like his old self again. We barely see each other during the weekend, but he's been good at calling me when he has to stay over (job requirements, still give me the jibi-jibies). But I've noticed he uses more pet names and calls me sweety, txts me then calls me to talk to me when he'll be late.
We are moving forward 1 inch at at time, but each step is worth 10 for me, he still is going to T and having a hard time applying what the T says (the T tells him he still needs to work on expressing himself w/me).

He tells me when he gets the "unlisted" calls he doesn't answer (we belive is op) but now there are barely any, so I guess she is understanding it is over.

So, I take baby steps forward, taking my time, letting go of my fear, and letting the old hurts dry and heal and it doesn't consume me anymore as it used to, I dont' let my mind wallow in the details anymore, and now my mind knows to move on quick when I get those thoughts, it's amazing

Thanks 4 checking on me guys