CVA - "B,B&B"

[savingus77]

1st let me just say 48hr. rule before you release all of this in a talk with your W.

1. Show me appreciation. words of affirmation for a job well done, work, dad, husband. Not once unsolicited in all of our R

You're answer to this is probably yes, but have you told her this before - in the sense that it is important to you to hear and feel these things from her? If so, how has she responded?

2. Initiate contact, kisses, hugs, sitting in lap, sex, whatever as long as it is unsolicited and her idea.

I know that it has been a tense situation for you guys for a while, but when things were good b/t you - did she do these things?

3. Do something totally uncalled for, a gift or just a coffee (once in last 9 yrs does not count, that is as far back as I can remember)

Really? Think harder - there has to be something? Once in the last 9yrs - that kinda sounds like WAS alien spew - rewriting of history. From your post that maybe the way you are feeling since you think that you may be done. What about all those nice jeans she bought for you? Did she ever pick something up when shopping at the supermarket that she knows you like? Did she ever call you/email/text you just to say hello?

4. Tell me she loves me, without prompting or just a reflex.

Again, did she does this when things were good b/t you? Maybe it is just b/c of where you are at now with each other that it is hard to remember.

6. Just Speak the F UP! Tell me what YOU want, daily stuff, Sex, whatever, JUST FREAKIN TALK TO ME?

Both of you can probably work on this...

Sound like Love Languages? Here is my problem, all of the requests / needs from me above have rarely, if ever been done / met in 18 yrs of knowing this woman.

Why did I marry her? Why did I continue 3 other times when she said no mas.

Exactly - think on that one... Why did you marry her & continue 3 other times? Because you love her...because she is beautiful (locklear & stripper comment)...because she is a great mother to your children...All of the things you have mentioned above that are important to, she must have been doing at some point, at least in the beginning right? In order for you to even have had the initial connection in the first place to fall in love with her...

SInce the Separation, she wont even call me by my name or honey or anything and I am starting to come unglued by being invisible like this. It is like I do not exist. I get this at the beginning, but almost 7 mos later to say "HEY" instead of CVA or Honey or Jerkoff, or....is dehumanizing and cruel and I wont stand for it anymore. Enemies have enough respect to give people respect by name if nothing else.

On this one, I have to say that I(we) have the same problem. We used to always call each other "honey" & such... but right now that doesn't seem appropriate for where we are. But at the same time calling each other by 1st name seems too distant as well. So we are stuck in the "hey" phase also. I wouldn't take it quite the way you are thinking - just know that this is an awkward time for her & there probably isn't any negative association with it for her - just her trying to avoid the awkwardness of not seeming too close & not seeming too distant. Make sense at all?

I truly believe she is just waiting for me to sick of her treatment of me and just tell her I want out. It is classsic Passive / Agressive behavior, even a dumbass like me knows this from Psych 101.

I know exactly how you feel on this one. I often feel the same thing from my H. But this has to be her decision. I think you need to do more things for YOU - so that you can alleviate a little bit the feeling of "waiting" while life as passing you by. I know you had mentioned buying a house?

I am afraid I have really not changed at all, that I will always be this angry miserable person she says I am. Very humbling if nothing else to see that your core personality is VERY flaweed. I am so beat up inside that I am losing faith in myself. I am not sure I am getting anything out of counseling, that I am just fooling / kidding myself that I am improving in any significant way.

1st - Quit beating yourself up!!! 2nd - in all your posts on here - I never got the feeling that you are an angry miserable person - frustrated - certainly, but not angry & miserable. As a matter of fact -your posts are usually the ones that I check 1st because I know that they are either going to be great advice or hysterical! I am sure many here would attest to the same.

Alright, please bring it on.
C

Consider it 'broughten'