Now I've done it

[nephartiti]

What a rotten night. Just couldn't sleep, and when I did I had a dream about H. He was telling me he still hates me and is not EVER coming back. This is the second dream this week. The first, he admitted the affair, very matter of factly, and said nothing was going to change in that respect.

When I awoke, I said to myself, "Oh, God, is this truth or just my deepest fears?"

I immediately remembered a dream I've been having for the last 2 years. It varies some, but, basically, I find out H is having an affair. I confront him. He doesn't care. Sometimes we fight. Sometimes he just leaves, and I am there in disbelief because I never saw it coming. When I say I've been having it for 2 years, I would say a dozen times in that time period.

I brushed it off as just being a deep fear of mine. Now I wonder, was God preparing me for this? Or is this an example of a self-fulfilling prophecy? Did I somehow subconsciously will this to happen? OMG, I can't believe I am just remembering this now. This is exactly how it all happened/is happening.

How the memories keep coming. About a year ago, I was looking at the pics on his phone (not snooping, just looking at the kids). I realized ALL the pictures of me had been deleted. Every single one. I asked him about it. He said he transferred all pics to the PC. However, only mine were off the phone. He had pics of everyone else, even his brother's dog. How long has he been building up this resentment toward's me? This OW was just his ticket out, I guess. I feel so dumb. I didn't see it coming. What a schmuck!