The irony of course is that my own H probably wears those feminist glasses more than I do.
Has it ever occurred to you that this might be one of his problems? If a man tries to live his life trying to placate a woman, focused on her needs, checking his actions so he does not step on her toes in any way or hurt her feelings, how is he going to be true to himself and his manhood. How can he be a man?
Regarding your 4 main points, I think my H was not happy that my primary purpose was the relationship. He wanted me to have my own primary purpose, career, interests, etc.
If he is a feminist, then this makes complete sense to me, because with you having your own career, you can release some of his worries over making you happy. Your career can serve to do some of that. Sounds like he may have been carrying a load around that lifted when you started working job?
So the problem I have with "the list" is that it puts women in a subjugated position.
Well, where have I heard that before….. let me think…. my wife??? Where did you get that message. Whose voice is saying that in your head?
I know you will deny that but that is how I interpret your beliefs.
No denial here. I absolutely believe you!
When you show lack of interest for your W's purpose (which may be her work, not sure), you are disrespecting her as a woman and wife.
I’m not sure what her purpose is and I’m not sure she knows either. Right now I see her in a learning phase, learning about herself and what it is she really wants. She still has a ways to go, but she has learned something about what she doesn’t want, and that is D (which is a big start).
Your interests are NOT superior to her interests. Why should they be?
Why do you think I said mine are superior to hers? My list does not say that. My list is a set of instructions for men, not women. Dieda is for men.
Her interests are primarily the kids, like most women. My kids are also part of my purpose, a big part. But I see my career as the means to serve my family. In fact, I don’t even see my career as a high priority for me. If I were single, I might choose instead to move to some island in the pacific and chunk this whole rat race.
I believe my wife sees her career differently. She sees it as a necessary means for survival. She is still motivated by fear that she could one day be without, as she was in her youth. Her job means survival. So I understand the importance of it to her.
She will never come to focus on the marriage as a higher priority than her career until she can calm her worries over survival. When she becomes comfortable looking into the future, then I think she might see that there are other things more important than career, other things that provide more security for her.
