In my own life... I listened quite attentively to my xH and his day. When he was talking about that... he was pretty talkative. When it came to listening to me, however... indifference, boredom... very short attention span.
So, if I had something important to say to him, I said it. I communicated. I did not connect.
Over the years, as the EC fell away, so did my willingness to listen, on end, about his day. My empathy, compassion and interest were pretty non-existent.
I don't think Cobra should listen to his wife endlessly. Right now, he doesn't have the inclination or the patience for it. That would be inauthentic.
As a man working on his M... he CAN give his wife a time limit (by saying to her, honestly... "I can only do active listening for so long, and I don't want to hurt you because I 'tune out.'), and he can give her further parameters to help her maximize the time she DOES have. But, Cobra, a man does this, first, so he does not HARM his woman. Therein, gifting her with his integrity and honesty.
No one is faulting you for losing patience or being uninterested. I don't have to be 'raptured' by the things my kids tell me. I give them the gift of my attention because it expresses my regard and love for them. And yes... I do give them a time limit. The know when it is... (dinner time)... and they SAVE what they really want to tell me... for then. They KNOW I will be listening and engaged with them.
Doesn't mean I don't talk to them at other times... or if I sense that they really need to talk... that I don't make that a priority...
Does all that GRAB my attention like my own interests, my own thoughts? No. Probably not. But I don't expect it to... my purpose is to respect and express my love to them through my full attention, awareness, and active listening. I love what I feel inside when they KNOW I am right there, with them, no matter WHAT they are saying.
This also occurs between a man and a woman. With my bf. I really sucked at it in my M. I have made it a point to learn how to do it better.
