What a beautifully written post. I can relate to so much of it.
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I welled up a bit as I struggled to be able to thank God for the last 12 months. This is the first time that I ave been back to temple over the last 13 months and I have to be honest, my faith is lacking.
In my moments of weakness, I wonder if I am being punished for stepping away from my church. My faith is lacking as well. I come to these boards and read all of these posts from people who are, evidently, very spiritual. Yet they are in so much pain. I just wonder if our voices are being heard. But then I read about situations that are far worse than mine and think that maybe my voice is being heard a little.
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I understand that you simply have to spin it and be thankful for what you have gained, and I am.
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However, I am having a hard time being thankful for the reasons that these things have occurred. Did it have to be at this price that I gain these things to be thankful for?
I just keep wondering why it has to be at this price... It is a pretty steep price to pay....
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I am up at 4:00 in the morning trying to understand why it is that I still love this woman. After all that she has done, after all of the sorrow and pain that she has caused me, and after all of the hurt that she has inflicted upon me, why is it that I still Love her?
I wonder if we hurt more because we still love them. Is it easier for them because they think they don't love us anymore? I know it would be easier for me if I hated him. But I struggle with the fact that someone that I love can cause this much pain to me.
My H wants to be friends with me. I struggle with that. My friends are mature, caring, responsible, compassionate, and don't want to take a "time-out" in the middle of our friendship. Right now, my H doesn't meet those qualifications.
Your post really touched me, Ian. Thank you.
Happy New Year...I do pray that the new year will bring you some measure of peace.
