lwb, I know your h said he was leaving, I just also know he was rather emotional, so didn't know if he would rethink things.
sounds like you guys are still on this course. as for what to say to the kids, I'm no expert, I was lucky though, and had 2 who had my back when the time came. I really, really recommend IC for you. you don't have to say a lot, try to do it together, let them know that daddy is going to live somewhere for a while, that it is a mommy/daddy thing, nothing they did, and you'll see him on x,y, and z days. be consistent if possible with visitation let them know every day that they can call him (assuming he's the man my h is as far as the kids go). H calls the kids almost every morning and every evening and they LOVE those calls. they may be distracted and not say much from time to time, but its the consistency that is key.
separation is not always a bad thing. in fact, both my therapist and friend who is a therapist say that it can actually help speed reconciliation at times. sometimes taking a break from R things can help both parties work on their own issues w/o as much distraction, and then R has a better chance. and not having the daily reminder of things right there in your face can be a very good thing. the first couple of weeks were hard, and every time H takest he kids overnight at first is hard, but I've been actively GAL and working on my own issues and its gotten easier over time. sometimes letting them go makes them realize what they are losing, for real.
(((HUGS))) none of what I am saying is going to make this any easier for you. I just want you to know that there are some silver linings. and even though the kids miss daddy here and such, I also make things good for them, and the lack of tension here (I'm sure they picked up on the tension when he lived here) is probably a good thing. and H probably spends more real time with them than he ever did before.
mk, wow about your child acting as if. s5 watches me like a HAWK lately, so a good reminder to be strong around them, even when it breaks your heart. and you are right about people picking poorly and getting stuck. I think from time to time, H is there. and he needs to figure out how to get unstuck...he needs to figure out what he really wants.
nephartiti, wish you guys all lived closer so you could come over for cookie dough. and wine. mmmm...wine.
Last edited by morgan; 09/13/0709:03 AM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
