Stories don't always end

[BeingMe]

I haven't been able to journal my thoughts until today ... been in a weird mood. Anyway, here goes ...

On Friday, I had a bit of a mini-freakout. Told my H that perhaps we should just separate, since he is clearly not going to do a d*mn thing about his side of the M. He has been home for the past two weeks, and it's also driving me nuts. He has all this time now, after being away, where he can work on things, share with me how he is feeling about our s*x life, our financial life, and any other things he may deem as necessary for a happy M. But, he chooses to get himself busy with other stuff. Oh well! His choice. I gave him the space to sort out his job sitch, which I think is now sorted, and still he ignores what I have asked of him.

I guess I'm just going to have to accept that he is incapable of change, and that I must either stay and be happy with what I have, or move on, and see if there is a better life for me away from him. It just seems so unfair, that he has the EA, and I am the one doing all the changing and trying to understand him and his needs, and he just goes happily along, taking me for granted .... AGAIN! Ugh! As long as I don't rock the boat, he is happy.

Well, I am sorry, I need more from life, and certainly more from my M. I don't expect wine and roses all the time, but the occasional attempt at a little romance would really be nice. To feel, that he actually notices that I am a woman, not just a wife and mother. Too much effort for him, I suppose.

I was in a better mood the rest of the weekend. A little more withdrawn, and detached. He thinks that if I am quiet and not saying anything about our M, that everything is fine. But, it's not, and one day, I'm not going to talk anymore, just leave (or, ask him to leave). Then, it will be too late for him to try. I won't be interested anymore. In fact, that day is fast approaching. I was just wondering the other day, if I really still loved him, as a H, and I really am not sure.

Okay ... vent over!