My H and I are friends with a couple. Both are divorced because their spouses had affairs. We went through the divorce with the male side of the couple and stuck by him even though we used to be friends with he and his wife.
So we are with this couple all through their dating, the butterflies in the stomach, the exciting part of a new relationship.
H, of course, wants the butterfly feeling again. These friends certainly didn't encourage anything - they just dated, but I really feel that he looked at their relationship, saw that they improved their lives from where they were with their exs, and thought the same could happen to him.
Where I really struggle is that this couple each have children from their marriages. They do the alternate weekend thing and have their children on the same weekend...the same weekend as my H has our kids. So they all do things together, every weekend. I, of course, am not invited. Now the female side of this couple still calls me, invites me out occasionally, etc.
But my thing is, that they are making this pretty easy on H. They continue to go out with him a lot, help him when he has the kids by doing stuff with him, etc. I want to tell these friends to stop - how is he going to get lonely if you guys are around all of the time? How is he going to deal with the kids if you guys do it for him. How is he going to miss me if he continues to have all this fun without me.
But, of course, I don't. I don't say a word and continue to go about my business. I keep telling myself...dignity, grace, high road.
But to be honest, it is hard for me. Each one in this couple had a spouse who cheated on them. For the female side of the couple, she basically made her friends decide - you pick me or him but you can't be friends with both. He was wrong, so if you pick him, you are wrong. Yet they continue to be very close to H. They don't think he is having an affair (I think he is but he denies it and I think that he doesn't want to admit it because he will lose some friends if he does). They have lived this, been through it, yet do not see it clearly.
I certainly can't tell them that I think that there is a sliver of hope. They would think I am nuts. They have been told that he is divorcing me and that is that.
It is not that I want them to pick sides. I simply want them to back off so he can feel a little lonely
But that isn't going to happen any time soon.
So my issue is a little different - they are not necessarily a bad influence - but they aren't helping.
