CVA - "B,B&B"

[Not Much Left]

Oh man
Here we go. Thanks for the update Nomo. I am sorry to hear that it did not go perfectly.

I gotta admit, this thread is a lot of fun, ashamed to say. Sort of...

I am struggling a bit on patience and will post later on my questions.

Sorry you were treated like a blow up doll Kelley. I think a lot of womenm feel that way and what I have noticed here is that the women don't get a lot about men and vice versa. Specifically on this topic, men tend to show women "caring" through sex and women need other things, which BTW, is why I think there is a little more involved when a woman strays as she definitely has to be the one to say "yes" and we men will pretty much say yes to anything.

Point is, maybe your H tried to show his affection for you sexually and u took it the way u describe above, just a thought.

[MissingMyHoney]

Im still fighting and no make up sex, not for me and will prolly never be anymore, today is a sad day and prolly the evening will be sadder, if it is I will make my post. counting down the hours.

[Not Much Left]

Oh man
Here we go. Thanks for the update Nomo. I am sorry to hear that it did not go perfectly.

I gotta admit, this thread is a lot of fun, ashamed to say. Sort of...

I am struggling a bit on patience and will post later on my questions.

Sorry you were treated like a blow up doll Kelley. I think a lot of womenm feel that way and what I have noticed here is that the women don't get a lot about men and vice versa. Specifically on this topic, men tend to show women "caring" through sex and women need other things, which BTW, is why I think there is a little more involved when a woman strays as she definitely has to be the one to say "yes" and we men will pretty much say yes to anything.

Point is, maybe your H tried to show his affection for you sexually and u took it the way u describe above, just a thought.

[new_attitude]

CVA- See what great friends you have here, trying to cheer you up when you're down!

[dlt1]

Oh Boy, I miss a few days and come back to this. I'm going to read it all again!! LOL
So I have two female roommates now...just sitting on the couch waiting for the pillow fight to break out
Hey, I have patience so will just have to wait it out.
Thanks everyone, this thread just found my smile again!!

[Handful of Rain]

dlt1, "Come and knock on my door, we've been waiting for you" LOL, a little "Three's Company" reference! Does one look like Crissy, and one, like Janet? LOL. Anyway, Man you are one luck Dude. Take care!

[Not Much Left]

OK, I promised earlier that I would share what is going through my mind, here goes. All feedback welcome.

1. Show me appreciation. words of affirmation for a job well done, work, dad, husband. Not once unsolicited in all of our R
2. Initiate contact, kisses, hugs, sitting in lap, sex, whatever as long as it is unsolicited and her idea.
3. Do something totally uncalled for, a gift or just a coffee (once in last 9 yrs does not count, that is as far back as I can remember)
4. Tell me she loves me, without prompting or just a reflex.
6. Just Speak the F UP! Tell me what YOU want, daily stuff, Sex, whatever, JUST FREAKIN TALK TO ME?
7. Brag on me, be just a tad jealous when someone shows me attention, give me a reason to think you actually care that I am alive or dead?

Sound like Love Languages? Here is my problem, all of the requests / needs from me above have rarely, if ever been done / met in 18 yrs of knowing this woman.

Why did I marry her? Why did I continue 3 other times when she said no mas.

I DONT KNOW RIGHT NOW?

SInce the Separation, she wont even call me by my name or honey or anything and I am starting to come unglued by being invisible like this. It is like I do not exist. I get this at the beginning, but almost 7 mos later to say "HEY" instead of CVA or Honey or Jerkoff, or....is dehumanizing and cruel and I wont stand for it anymore. Enemies have enough respect to give people respect by name if nothing else.

I AM AFRAID (A FIGURE OF SPEECH, NOT ACTUALLY AFRAID) THAT WE ARE NOWHERE, NOWHERE, NOWHERE.

I truly believe she is just waiting for me to sick of her treatment of me and just tell her I want out. It is classsic Passive / Agressive behavior, even a dumbass like me knows this from Psych 101.

I am afraid I have really not changed at all, that I will always be this angry miserable person she says I am. Very humbling if nothing else to see that your core personality is VERY flaweed. I am so beat up inside that I am losing faith in myself. I am not sure I am getting anything out of counseling, that I am just fooling / kidding myself that I am improving in any significant way.

I dont want to be the old me and with a Woman who does not want me and may never have wanted me. This sounds like a pity party but after all this and a lot of self reflecting, I really dont believe my W ever really loved me like I would want....I was a passing ship who just happened to do well, got her pregnant which I think she wanted, realized she didnt want me after the 2nd child and tried to get out. Then after child 3. Now 2x after child 4. Why should I fight any more. She NEVER has fought for us.

Please no psycho babble about how I hurt her and she has fought. Trust me, she has never fought for us, not once.

I am afraid, yes afraid, that I am done with all this. She did not have the time to call me back tonight. F you. I dont know what I am going to do tomorrow. Right now, I might just tell her we are done. You wanted to "protect" your kids and "not screw them up" (her words), guess what sister, you are, your choice, you did. NOT ME. But you know who will be blamed for the next however many years, me, not miss perfect silent beautiful mom, sister, daughter, friend.

I love my children, but not sure I choose to love my W anymore

Alright, please bring it on.

C

[dlt1]

CVA, these are perfectly normal feelings. Good you are letting loose here. We all have flawed cores. I feel my C has brought those in sight, but still a work in progress to learn better actions. If you are not sure of progress with C, bring it up at next sesh. Any C worth their salt will listen to this. You should have 2-3 specific goals/things that you want C to help with. Saving my M is not one of them, btw! These goals are to be specific to YOU and YOU alone. When you are thinking of these, do not think of W at all, take her out of the equation.

Your goals haven't been achieved, do something different.

Last week I twice left for lunch just so I could screan at the top of my lungs I was so pi$$ed at W then. This week, I hardly feel any intense anger at all. It is going to come and go. Roll with the punches.

[Handful of Rain]

CVA, I guess I'll be the first to respond, and I bet you think I am going to jump down your throat, Well, yes and no.

In that post you said, everything that I felt and have been feeling for a very long time. The anger, the hurt and the confusion, are all valid. I mean it is hard to keep on, when you don't see any signs that things are improving, but remember this is a matter of time. You and I both know that our W's have to change, no matter what, not for us, but for the kids and lastly for themselves, at least it sounds like yours is more mature than mine is.

Now that I have validated your feelings, time to get down to the truth. You have changed! Stop the pity party! Quit focusing on what she does doesn't do, and focus on you! Just remember change takes time, not everything happens in a day, a week or sometimes even a year. Realize that you have seen some signs from the the W, at least there is still some good contact, talking, back rubs, etc, it sounds like there is at least a friendship there, if nothing else, and friendship is the foundation on which all great R's are based. So what happens next all depends on you!

Be the CVA, that we all know that your are, caring, friendly and good hearted, the one who started such a crazy post, to cheer us all up, the one who gives us such great advice, when we are down! You are him, just let him out more and more! Sooner or later, no matter what happens in your sitch, your W will see this, how she choses to take it, is her problem, not yours. Come on, you are better than this! You are still in my prayers, my good friend. Take care.

[Kelley]

Oh, hell, Kelley, there's another image now. If we were to ever meet, I don't think I could look you in the eyes now.

Heim,
yeah, you would be looking for my inflate here tube.