There and Back, #5

[SallyM]

lwb, d3 wakes up every single morning crying that daddy isn't there to get her. every single blessed morning its the same thing. she isn't a morning person to begin with, and not having daddy there is really hard on her. and every single day my boys ask about him. they tell me how much they miss him, ask if/when he can come home again. it breaks my heart. S3 even named the damn baby pumpkin I let him pick out at the farm store, "Daddy." oh god, now I'm crying again.

I've gotten good about talking to them and making myself open to them talking to me. not something h does...he placates. I've learned not to, so they feel more like talking to me. not to mention, they aren't with him all that much and are so thrilled to be with him when they are, they don't bring it up to him. and I'm sure there is a bit of that, "if I'm the best kid and don't bug him, etc, he'll like us again and come home" that kids go thru.

lwb, separation is not easy. if you are seriously considering it, try to sit down and create groudrules/bounderies with your H that you both can adhere to. H and I have been really good at co-parenting in our separationg...I will never keep the kids from him, they can call him/talk to him whenever, we keep a consistend visitation schedule, but I also am open to him seeing them when he can (like tonight) that aren't always on the normal schedule. Those kids need to see him and know he loves them.

there is nothing worse than seeing your kids hurting. the first time H and I separated, back in april, when I threw him out, we didn't do as well. no set schedule, no understanding as to how things would go. I will never forget (and I mean NEVER) after H had come over for a visit, my eldest falling on the floor and grabbing H around his legs, bawling his eyes out, pleading with him not to leave. He just kept saying, "daddy, don't go, I don't want you to go, please don't go daddy." omg, lwb, I will take that to my grave, it hurt so much. and its the reason H moved back in a couple of days later.

I'm not trying to scare you or freak you out. I'm just trying to say, if you guys do separate, make sure you guys are on the same page with the kids.

one of the things that freaked me out so much when H wanted the kids to go to ow's beachhouse was because all along we have done so well, it just seemed like he was throwing all that way. but in the end, at least so far, he has respected my wishes on that front. I'm sure that won't last forever, not the way things are going, but for now, I'm breathing a little easier, hoping we are back on the same page. of course, tomorrow could shake things up once again.