Consider this. Your sexuality is YOURS. It belongs to you. It is no one elses. Ever. The ACT of sharing sexuality CAN culminate in sex... which IS a shared responsibility. But I am responsible for my sexuality, and YOU are responsible for YOUR sexuality.
I can't share what I don't have. I can't BE responsible for YOURS AND MINE. If I am... with whom am I having sex?
I think that there are lots of words, that have the letters 'sex' in them, and some of them get blurred in their meanings.
Maybe it would help to take a step back from the whole "own your sexuality" "personal empowerment" thing, and look at the larger picture of what marriage is.
One of the things at the heart of marriage, is the understanding that the man and woman WILL BE HAVING SEX, once they get married. In this day and age, with people having sex outside of marriage all the time, the importance of this has been diluted. But there is still an understanding, that sexual intercourse between married people is important, and EXPECTED.
yes, each person should make the effort to make it as enjoyable for their partner as possible. but there is still the expectation. it is not optional. This is even legally recognized. Withholding sex permenantly, is grounds for divorce, in states that arent "no-fault divorce" states.
So, it just isnt right to claim that sexual fulfillment of one partner, is exclusively that person's own responsability. It is also to some degree the responsability of their marital partner. This is true from a moral, legal, and biblical standpoint.
Last edited by Dom R; 09/11/0705:00 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
As your wife, I can have sex with you and not give one dam if you are sexually fulfilled or not. I can give it to you whenever YOU want it, and I'm honoring all the vows.. moral, legal and biblical.
Ask Cemar about that.
And please don't preach to me on how things SHOULD BE, and what one SHOULD EXPECT... and all this moralizing and legalizing and stuff... gross. Ask Cemar about that, too.
All that should be and should expect stuff is irrelevant. All that matters is you, your S and your R. Other people's expectations don't apply to your marriage.
This reminds me of when I was wanting to please my H. I had decided that maybe something was wrong with me and I just wasn't born "normal" so I told him that I did not want him to be in fear of rejection whenever he wanted to ML. I told him that I would ML anytime he wanted to. I foolishly thought that would please him. It didn't! Instead, he sulled up and acted mad....of course he never talked about any issues we had, so I didn't "know"....I had to "guess". But, the best I ever got from him on the subject was that .....regarding this instance I'm talking about.....it just wasn't good enough! I was devastated and didn't know what to do. For real! I did not know what else to do. There are other things that I tried thinking it would please him or make him happy....finally, but it was never good enough. So, I gave up.
From the woman's point of view here, it sounds like you are complaining first of all that she is LD and you aren't getting enough sex. Then, secondly, she wakes up to the fact that you may leave the M due to her LD, so now she is despartely trying to do what you have told her all these years that SHE HASN'T DONE.....which is give you more sex....but now, thirdly you are saying...it isn't good enough....she doesn't really mean it. You don't feel like she REALLY LOVES YOU. Get over yourself! If she did not really love you she would have kicked you out a long time ago. If your really love her...you will accept what she is trying her best to do and work WITH her to save your marriage. I can't believe this!Talk about hypocritical!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
....she doesn't really mean it. This is an issue that would make me catious but I would consider the sex and have some requirements like CDM34 encountered.
That M seems to be working, yours could too.
Seven posts by starvin and he is absent from the forum, maybe from the M. Where is your staying power marvin?
All that should be and should expect stuff is irrelevant. All that matters is you, your S and your R. Other people's expectations don't apply to your marriage.
Absolutely ! Don't base your relationship on other people's expectations or judge yours based on how other relationships look.
And please don't preach to me on how things SHOULD BE, and what one SHOULD EXPECT... and all this moralizing and legalizing and stuff... gross. Ask Cemar about that, too.
Corri
This don't work too well... our 1st and only trip to a MC pretty much went this way and now wife is very hesitant about seeing another.
