Let me ask you straight up. How much can he really hate "you"? And why would he? I am not asking why he says he does. Just why should he.
If he would rather sleep in a comfortable bed with you, and sometimes eat cake, does that sound like someone that really really hated you so bad?
It's no surprise others will encourage you to bring this to a head. Most of our parents took that angle when seeing us in pain. They feel as betrayed as you do. They feel pain just as you do. So do close freinds. That doesn't make them bad. But this is about you. What do you want?
If you are having trouble finding respect for yourself then it may be time to rethink. It may be time to tell H you understand what he has said, it doesn't need a lot of repeating. Stop getting drawn into R talks. Explain you would not have physical relations with some stranger off the street, and if H hates you so bad, it would make no sense to do so with him any longer either.
That said, can you respect yourself for knowing what you want, and doing the best you can to reach that goal in spite of what others want you to do? If you believe H is not himself but that there are moments of connection during intimacy, and you can handle that, some mlc survivors have used that to maintain some link to MLCer.
So like I said, this is about you not H, what do you want?
