****"let me heal, i'm destroyed inside, when I find where I am in this world again you can look at anything you want (phone records) right now I want my privacy, I want space"***** =================================================================
Can you do this for him...because really at the end of all this craziness you will both be in a place that is safe....safe to talk about the past....to talk about the future...and to trust each other with your feelings...
He isn't ready to expell the puke (for lack of better word) in him yet...and you aren't ready to deal with it without puking yourself!...
When you can listen to his answers and not cry...not that you won't feel the pain but it won't be so raw...and he can answer any question you have...then you will know you are where you want to be....till then...let him lead...don't pull or push because this will send him to his automatic defense status of lying, covering, hiding...keeping your cool when he does come will start to reinforce that he can "trust" you too...you need to let him talk and not judge...I know how very hard that is because like you...honesty is a biggy with me...I had to let things go and play out...I am glad I did...I feel H is truthful with me...and even if the truth is not what I want to hear (which so often he lied to tell me what I wanted to hear) I keep my cool and accept that we are two different people with very different feelings, ideas, reactions, and I have to deal with this...this is my burden...I can not expect him to do everything like I would...anymore then he can expect that of me...this was at the root of his unhappiness...and now is the root of our cure...
