MC - nervous and need advice

[forward]

Well, we started w/mediator/counselor.

It went OK. H expressed interested in divorce for the first time. =( Still said he wants to do S first.

I said that I did not want to get divorced (and I was very clear about that, and have been consistently) but as there is a third party in the picture, decisions made in counseling would be triangulated so I do want the LS.

-C said H's decision seemed impulsive to move out seemed impulsive; H claimed otherwise.

-C wants to get us communicating more respectfully. I said I am reserved and feel crowded out from my feelings because H is SO expressive (or all about him, as I often feel).

-I said that the separation enabled me to make some positive changes, going to NYC was just what I needed, and I needed to have fun. I know this isn't DB but I also said I wanted to date. Maybe I shouldnt' have said that.

H's reaction to counseling is that he does not have the money. Well, I happen to know that art supplies and dinners w/OW, etc., seem to be higher priority to him. So my leverage is that it is cheaper than a lawyer and that I want to use it as an opportunity to talk through things that we would need to discuss w/lawyer anyway. Still has the attitude that since I have more money, I should pay.

But H agreed to a few more sessions and even agreed to pay his share.

And I put on Arethra when we got back and danced around and was happy. H didn't look too happy.

OW is still in the picture.