I see that you are "personally invested" in the concept of, "if I dont get sex, i can divorce my wife", since that appears to be the exact position you are in, and I guess you "want out".
Not true, although you may be getting that perspective from some of my rants and vents. I want an intimate R with my W, that includes sex, affection, quality time, respect, etc. ALL OF IT.
I do not "want out", I have committed to trying to make it work. But if it becomes clear to me that after a period of time my W is refusing to move in a positive direction, and that I have truly done what I can, I will have no religious problem with divorcing. The fact of the matter is that my W has made positive steps, and I have not done all that I can, so D is not even on the table for the forseable future.
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from your very first post in that thread, looks like you are continually pressuring your wife to have sex with you. or at least, that may be how she feels
That very well may be how she feels, but I can assure you that it not my intent. I do pressure her for closeness, spending time together, etc. I have not actually asked my W for sex in over a year. We have had sex in that time period yes, but either she has initiated or I have using body language. The rejection has come in a more indirect way. She has ways of making it clear to me that she is not interested without me saying a word.
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I think you dont have a sex problem with your wife. I think you have an intimacy problem with your wife.
Agreed
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She's "decided against it", and you pressuring her for it, is making her more determined to not be close to you.
That could be true. I prefer to think that my approach to her is still flawed, I haven't still managed to discover what I truly want, and she has a lot of work to get out of mommy/daughter mode and into W mode, which she has never done in any sustained way. In short, we have a lot of work to do. And we will do it at our pace. There will still be many times in which my low self-esteem will crop up and cause me to rant/vent on here.
Chrome
p.s. While I do appreciate you taking the time to get advice, this discussion is really moot to the point of D and religion.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
