Of course you don't mean to do things to the man you love! I did not mean to imply that... Sorry if I did...I'm not American and sometimes my choice of words in a different language are not the ones I would have chosen in my own...
I still feel that you can change the situation. DH wanting you to start it might very well be true but does that really matter? He, in his own way, also tries to make contact with you. There is only one needed to change the situation around. Take the lead. Ever thought about the possibility that DH does not know how to change it??
Again, I do not know enough about your situation other than the thread I read. But by telling your most inner deep feelings in a M that needs to be rebuild might be too soon. There is lack of trust on both sides and I certainly understand that you need this but your M is not there yet... Talk to a girlfriend, sister, brother but not your DH YET. Let him do ALL the talking for a while.
I read that you ask him to talk to you. don't. Let him start and be still. Just listen. Nod, say uhuh, and prompt him to keep talking once in a while. Do not give your opinion, interrupt, be busy with other things or criticise.
If he ask you how you are doing answer him but talking about your innermost fears and feelings overwhelms him right now. He might even feel controlled by you in forcing him to stay due to this. The guilt thingy.
I too long for the talks DH and I used to have. The past year I never intiated any talks. He does. And when he does...I just let him talk, talk, talk and talk. Boy... and afterwards he feels relieved. I have to tell you that my DH told me time and again he is afraid of talking to me. Now he does and even sayd that he needs to talk to me because I understand. LOL I just sit, nod, and prompt him. But the most important thing is that he feels safe again to talk to me. Slowly we are rebuilding trust. Now and then I tell something about me when he asks but I quickly sense when it's too much. My time will come, when our M is new. But then I've learned a lot about communication.
