Hi again... Read back to look for the qoute and thought I might aswell show you what I see..
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One of the dumb things I said today was that he called me all weekend long about the tournament games, yet yesterday when the regular season started I never heard from him. This made him angry, and he said he is always doing something wrong according to me.
There it was... the other example He opens up. You criticize and he feels beaten again... You can even see it coming from his reaction. Be happy he called you the other day and shared with you. Don't expect it to be perfect all at once! He tries and even said so!
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I probably shouldn't have said anything, I just thought that I was doing the right thing by pointing it out. I wanted him to understand my feelings.
And that is why I sensed slow down... You want to talk about your feelings but sweetie you are not piecing YET. Maybe if you just focus on the opening up bit first. Make him feel comfortable to talk to you and with you. Make him feel the posibility for a great M between you, also for YOU.
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I started putting things away and he came into the kitchen to say Hi to me. I simply returned the greeting and kept up what I was doing.
Why? Maybe if you give him a little more attention. Like stop what you are doing look at him when you say hi and talk a bit. I can feel the cold shoulder from here. Not very inviting to talk and he did come up to you to greet you.
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I had promised my son earlier in the day to make a snack for him during the show. So, about midway into it I called him to come get some hot wings that I made. I included his favorite dipping sauce as well as H's.
Great!
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I took his reply about wanting to hear about it as sexual... as if he thought it was "that" kind of a dream and he wanted details, so I kind of dropped it.
You assumed and then punished him for it by dropping it. This sounds harsh doesn't it... I really see hope in your sitch and maybe that is why I'm trying to show you my POV. Sorry if it is harsh.
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Back to last night- he said I never told him about the dream.
See he does notice when you drop the topic so to speak. He really pays attention.
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I said that it wasn't the kind he thought and that when he took it to a sexual place I knew there was no point in telling the story. He said he didn't take it there, that I was mistaken. He didn't really look as if he wanted to continue the conversation, so we made a little more small talk
And there again. He opens and asks, you assume and punish (for lack of better word) he feels slapped and retreats. What if you did tell him about the dream? Honest. He just had an evening with his son at home with his wife making his favourite dip and he went upstairs to say goodnight had a great talk and left with a good feeling opposed to feeling slapped and may even find himself thinking about a possibility. Just showing an alternative... maybe when the next opportunity comes around...
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This morning I got a text message from him. It said: Good morning! Thanks for last night. I would really like to hear about your dream.
He felt guilty. This guy still cares. Just my POV
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My prediction? He will ignore what I have to say. But, he did ask, and since one of my problems with him is that he picks and chooses which questions to answer, I will go ahead and reply.
STOP predicting, assuming and pointing out. You are cutting off all openings and communications. By assuming you already react in a way you think he will and guess what? he does...because you make him...
I'm not sure if you still want this M or not. I wrote this post just in case you do because of the cheeseless tunnel thing that you have to break out of. I really feel there are possibilities and you said it yourself: communication. I know being separeted for a year and a half is long. I'm almost there aswell. But you have invested in so much time and energy to get your M on track. Please don't throw it all away if there might be possibilities still. Maybe if you read the book I suggested? I don't know if you are a religious person but you do not have to be to put the book into practice. Sorry if I was hard on you. hugs