24, D didnt do too good at pre-K, she wore a jumper suit and probably had problems taking it off to potty so she had 3 accidents. I was a little disappointed with her and told her to tell her teacher when she needs to potty. W came home and I told her about D's day and she was also disappointed.
D & I went to get W mexican tamales from a tienda, I cooked it for her as they were raw and needed to be steamed. It was 6 of them so I made some pork chops and rice a roni. W didnt care too much for the tamales so she ate what I had cooked. We talked casually and I told her I wanted to sleep in the room due to having the patio light on I keep on thinking someone will be looking tru the patio door and see that I am sleeping in order to break in. I told W if she cared if I sleep in there and she only smiled. I told her I was gonna come to bed about 12 or 1 but I fell fast asleep and didnt awake until 6:30 this morning.
I thought if I had slept with W the 3rd leg will be doing his job and it would have been to enjoyable but it didnt happend. Let see if I can accomplish this tonight. I hope.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
sitch update, my Positive attitude was fading away:
W's email -----Original Message----- From: C******,R***** [mailto: ] Sent: Wednesday, September 12, 2007 12:46 PM To: C******, J*** [GCG-NAOT] Subject:
So I hear that if C***** (OM) ever comes here you plan on calling the police. What exactly will you tell them? That I am out on my own in my own apartment and in my own place I cant see whom I want? You need to get real and stop acting like I am the last woman on the face of this earth. I just want you to know when I am in my own apartment, you have no control over whom I let into my life or my house. Since it seems you plan on making it a habit to call the police when you want to be vindictive and cannot have your own way I will be happy to let them know this is a habit of yours and you do this because it seems you do not want me moving on with my life I will keep your emails and chat transcripts handy to show that you wanted me out your life. So I guess this is a case with you of if you cant have me no one else will but when Im in your life Im only there to be your door mat. I plan on filing charges against you if you insist on making these allegations. You seriously need to quit because I am getting enough of this like you told me so many times that its over and now you need to tell yourself that.
H's response: -----Original Message----- From: C******, J** [GCG-NAOT] Sent: Wednesday, September 12, 2007 12:48 PM To: 'C******,R******' Subject: RE:
I dont want that man around my daughter what so ever. That is the point. I have been good to you and now you still keep on doing this.
-----Original Message----- From: C*******, J*** [GCG-NAOT] Sent: Wednesday, September 12, 2007 12:49 PM To: 'C*****,R******' Subject: RE:
What is HE coming to do here when you are still my wife?
That is NOT your choice to make. Dont be making this about H*****, this is about YOU and your jealousy, when all along you have been abusive to me and now that I am finally moving on you cant deal with it. And dont be saying you have been GOOD to me, since when? And I may be your WIFE on paper only. When we are separated you cannot tell me whom to have in MY life. For 9 years I have lived with your crap you walked out on H***** and I and I could not stop you now you cant handle that I just cant deal with you anymore. So you are trying to tell me that when you are with someone else I will be able to tell you to leave them simply because I dont want them around H*****? So you made me spend 24 hrs in jail because you did not want me talking to him claiming that I assualted you and you failed to mention the numerous occasions that you have been verbally and physically abusive to me and now I hear you plan on doing it again.
H's response: -----Original Message----- From: C******, J*** [GCG-NAOT] Sent: Wednesday, September 12, 2007 12:59 PM To: 'C******,R******' Subject: RE:
This includes H*****, she WILL NOT and SHOULD NOT be around this man at this time, we are NOT divorced as yet and there is NO need for this man to be around her at this time. This is some sensitive time for her and this will NOT be acceptable while we are still MARRIED.
That is what I have to say about this now and again why the argument when I am here for you as always. I have not called anyone lately much less speak of this person. He is a pussy for coming up with this now when I guess this is your plan to do so after the help I have given you.
I dont need to blow my top now as to I have a two hour meeting to go to and am already in a bad mood with your first email. Nothing I have done is ever physical, that is your next steps. I have not had any next steps.
See you later.
W's response: -----Original Message----- From: C******,R******* [mailto: ] Sent: Wednesday, September 12, 2007 12:59 PM To: C******, J***[GCG-NAOT] Subject:
By the way if you don’t want c***** around H***** just remember I have those emails from Christy Ellis (EA) calling H***** a DUMB child but yet she was the one you ran off to be with.
H's response: -----Original Message----- From: C******, J*** [GCG-NAOT] Sent: Wednesday, September 12, 2007 1:00 PM To: 'C******,R******' Subject: RE:
Someone who didn exist that you sent money to??? How could you send money to someone who doesnt exist
-----Original Message----- From: C******, R****** [mailto: ] Sent: Wednesday, September 12, 2007 1:05 PM To: C******, J**** [GCG-NAOT] Subject: RE:
During the 4 years I've been here I have been verbally and physically abused by you and did not call the police because you knew damn well I had no where else to go and you used that to your advantage to do as you wanted to me. Now Im able to be on my own you call them and claim I assault you, pretending to be the victim and acting as if you've done nothing wrong all these years. You think I will let it go down like this again, I am preparing myself for you this time and I guarantee you you wont have your way.
H's response: -----Original Message----- From: C******, J**** [GCG-NAOT] Sent: Wednesday, September 12, 2007 3:05 PM To: 'R****** (Work) (E-mail)' Subject:
I am available now for you to kill me mentally and emotionally. I will take a break in 10 mins.
-------------------------------------- That's my sitch for today, it keeps on going. W called and asked if I was at my desk and I told her yes and she said we'll talk tonight so we will talk. W aint talking about the numerous times she pulled a steak knifes on me and place the knife at my throat, who in their right senses will tolerate this. Besides doing all this, their is also physical abuse on her part, she fails to realize all the abuse she has done unto me. Which part of the law states that abuse cannot be done unto men? W fails to realize now that physical, emotional, verbal, and psychological abuses are as common to women as to men. The courts treats both men and women in the same manner.
Positive attitude but I know there's nothing positive about this talk.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
Ok, here's a recap of lastnight unplanned talk. I was in the living room doing my PMP quiz and finished. I started to fold up some clothes and W came out the bedroom. W looked as though she wanted to say something but could not find the right moment to start the convo.
W started to iron her work clothes and said if I ask you for a non-contested D will you sign it, there will be no child & spousal support. I replied, I wont sign anything. Then the argument started. W said well she will simply do a contested D and take as much as she can from me. I told her to be careful because I will fight it as much as I can, I told her that remember she was taken into custody on a domestic abuse call. So for her to be very wary of that when the court ask her about that allegation.
W said she has proof of emotional and physical abuses. I told her my attorney asks her if she would kill me or had intentions to kill me, how will she answer that question under oath. W could not answer my question. All this time, W was in my face and very angry. On the other hand, I was more placid than ever and for once handled the situation without blowing my top.
W still blames me for WAS. I told her I need to find the original email I sent to her about accepting the job to relocate to Maryland in which W refused to join. My mistake was to chose a job over my M but I was in a situation where I was already out of work for 2 months. Being unemployed simply dont pays all the bills around the house.
W said that all the 'so-called' job interviews I had was simply to take D to daycare so I can chat at home. I told her that why would I want to was 25.00 per day for D when I dont have any monies coming in simply to chat, it dont make sense.
W continues by saying the MD job was for me to go to OW. I told her Yes I emailed OW and told her we can meet, but OW didnt lived in US. I looked at OW email headers and the IP address all the emails originated from was Belize. There was no way OW could have been in MD, OW made me believe she did. So OW was not physically in MD as to what W believed.
I asked W how can she just leave one R for another, she said I did so when I left Houston to reside in Baltimore. It never happend. While I was in Baltimore, my project didnt even started. I had a uhaul full of stuff, all my credit cards were maxed, I could not stay in a hotel no more than 7 days due to company policy, I had to get a lease right away. I was not sure if I had a job period.
It was a really bad experience but W does not or do not want to overlook this option I had. I still work for the same company but they relocated me again last September to MO. In Dec, I relocated my family with my own monies. W does not see this something positive rather she reflects on all my faults.
I told W that it seems she dont have any faults or had ever done anything wrong in her life but she has. W admits to no blame which is rather foolish as if she is so perfect.
W dont even think separation will be good she simply wants a D - for what? W cannot give me a credible/valid reason why she wants a D. Is it because I cannot tell her then that OM cant be around our D? Probably so, but with a separation I can control OM behavior around our D.
My question is now, do I ask her for a separation to reason things our or take the non contested D even though I dont want this?
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
My W dont make much and with her budgeted expenses, she wont be able to afford an attorney. The reason for the non contested D is she will be able to pay for it, she know it will prolly cost 250-500.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
-----Original Message----- From: C, J [GCG-NAOT] Sent: Thursday, September 13, 2007 4:28 PM To: 'C,R' Subject: RE: Talk
R******
You said you have proof of me consulting an attorney, I called one while I was in Webster. The secretary told me they dont discuss any issues over the phone and a consultation will cost 150.00. Did I ever spent 150.00 while you had proof of the call to that office? No, I did not. Not then had I ever consulted an attorney and not now have I ever had. This shows that yes at that time I was considering but did I ever go tru with my intention. NO, I didnt.
I may have said a lot of things directly to you but never in any of my thoughts had any intentions of seeing our child out on the street. You are putting these words so you feel that I am doing so to our child. I was wrong to say those things to you and I have looked at the way I treated you while only looking at myself and no one else. This is one of the biggest issue I have faced and am facing but yet it is only negativity I hear from you. Whatever happened to at least you are trying J, at least you have became a part of D's life again J.
God help me to understand you fully and God help me to understand myself, all I ask is that I dont want to make this decision now. I thought of that before and while being here alone for 3 months I thought I was happy but I was not. I honestly thought about living a single man's life that I was going to be happy, I wasnt - it is not the same when you have a family. My life turned to alcohol and chat - that was the only happiness I ever had but what did that do to me nothing and solved nothing.
At first, when you all came here I had the same thoughts. By March or April I was rethinking the situation and I first mentioned to my coworker that I am reconsidering my relationship with my wife that I am deciding not to be single since they are many things I need to work on and having you all there gave me an opportunity to work on one of my biggest addictions. I had began to slow down on drinking. I am grateful for that. The first example was for xmas we didnt had any alcohol and we enjoyed that occasion very much. I really appreciated everything you did. For once, I never had any alcohol during that time for all the while we have been married.
Chatting and drinking, I saw those two items as the flaws I have in this marriage and I have been working on those flaws. I am not perfect but I admit to those two addictions and seek the proper way to deal with them.
To continue with your comment, did that ever happened. Again, it did not happened. Like I said, I said many things and many things didnt happened. A lot of people say things in the spur of the moment because they are angry. I am no exception to that and so are you. We are simply people and emotions and anger drives us wild at times and we say things we would normally not say.
A little drink of this anger medicine causes us to bring out things we have deep inside and instead of diffusing a problem but blows it up. I have realized this and a lot of times I cannot control my anger so I would push your buttons to see how far I can go. I realize doing so it only creates more bad than good. Again, I have my flaws and I am not perfect.
Lets talk about something positive, at least whenever we discuss our child's concern we are not hostile with each other and I do enjoy talking to you very much. The reason why I ask you to stay on the phone is for you to keep me calm and for me not to be coming to work angry and be pissed at the entire world. I dislike very much that whenever we discuss the relationship we always end up arguing but yet when we discuss the well being of our child its like we are different people.
Why cant everything be so great?
-----Original Message----- From: C,R [mailto: ] Sent: Thursday, September 13, 2007 4:04 PM To: C, J[GCG-NAOT] Subject: RE: Talk
You actually have the nerve to ask me that? Well here is your answer,ask yourself what steered you when you wanted it done and walked out,consulted a lawyer and called the leasing office to take me off the lease, and told me to take D and go your words, "get the f*** out my life, get out my world". This is the end of this conversation, I am not replying to anymore emails.
-----Original Message----- From: C, J [ ] Sent: Thursday, September 13, 2007 4:01 PM To: C, R Subject: RE: Talk
R******,
We had not even been tru any separation. So my question to you is what is really steering this divorce decision of yours?
-----Original Message----- From: C,R [mailto: ] Sent: Thursday, September 13, 2007 3:59 PM To: C, J [GCG-NAOT] Subject: RE: Talk
I don't feel I have anything else to say to you after last night and today (this morning). Seems to me you already made up your mind and Ive made up mind for sure. As for making a decision that will affect you for the rest of your life at short notice, well this isnt short notice. This has been four years in the making and you know that.
-----Original Message----- From: C, J [mailto: ] Sent: Thursday, September 13, 2007 3:57 PM To: C,R Subject: RE: Talk
It is about what you told me last night.
-----Original Message----- From: C,R [mailto: ] Sent: Thursday, September 13, 2007 3:52 PM To: C, J [GCG-NAOT] Subject: RE: Talk
And this talk concerns what?
-----Original Message----- From: C, J [mailto:] Sent: Thursday, September 13, 2007 3:49 PM To: C,R Subject: Talk
R******,
I need to talk to you. It does not have to be today but some time it has to happened. I do not feel I need to make a decision that can affect me for the rest of my life at close notice. I believe what needs to be accomplished can be done in the future but I don't sincerely believe I can make this decision very soon.
I hope you can understand and this is mutual.
-J
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
D & I are home and checked the mail, D's hospital bill came in and its pretty hefty. Perhaps a stalemate for W to stay a little longer if she choose to pay this off rather than moving out and I pay off that bill within 4-6 months. Dont know for sure until W talks about that tonight.
Should I ask W if she would go to a couple of MC sessions while in this stalemate period?
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
24, no discussion about the D. W was outside in the living room with D and I and we mingle as a family. D was singing and playing with her toy piana and being very talkative. I told W that D is talking a lot more than when she was at the previous daycare and if she noticed anything different about D. In a way, W looked as though I was gonna present the D question to her but I am in no rush to bring up this conversation as to as I already stated I dont want to make a decision that I will regret for the rest of my life. I am firm on this and we do need some time alone and W isnt realizing this.
This is very important to the decisions we need to make and it seems it doesnt have anything to do with the family but for W's individual cause. W has not seen or had read what D does to a family. Being on this support forum, reading atricles here and there, and is an example of what D does, I have educated myself in knowing that initially I wanted a D but it is not so easy for me to make that decision now when I am an integral part of D's life.
I was making that decision simply for my own benefit and didnt cared about our D's feeling not until I came to visit them in Houston last September and spent 10 days with them prior to moving to Missouri. When I returned to Houston in December to ensure the move is smooth, D was so excited to see me again and she cried when I had to leave the same day since I had to drive W's car to Missouri. I picked them up at the airport the following day. D was so happy to see me once more and she settle into her new home without any problems. D was so excited to see the xmas tree I put up and later we wrapped all the gifts. That event was so special to me since I had my family with me for xmas. I could not ask for anything more.
With doing all this, I thought about everything and I said my W doesnt see all the good things I have done for our family. I asked myself if I didnt care one bit for her and our family I would have never looked back. But I did look back and made our family reunited again. Now these events are happening and W is walking out after all I have done for her.
My W never bought any groceries or paid any bills since she moved to Missouri. I fed and provided lodging for her and never asked her to assist as to if she really wanted to she could have asked or she knows where I keep all the bills to be paid. It seems that all along she was on a free ride and now feels that she is independent enough to just leave me and do things for herself.
And W talks about selfishness, this alone is a good example of her selfish behavior.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
sitch update, I just called W and asked how she was feeling as to she left to work this morning and was not feeling well. W said she feels a bit nausous and feel so tired. I told her if she needed any medication I can pick it up for her since she gets home a little late and I will also pick up some dinner for her after D and I go out to dinner. W said ok and I mentioned if she dont feel to well since she's on her break she can always ask to go home and get well.
This little instances shows that I do care for her well-being in any and every aspect. I would not want to see up ended up D as to we dont have any immediate family around and in case of emergency we only have each other and no one else.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
Lastnight, nothing happend. W went to bed early as she was tired. I stayed up til midnight and had a lonely blockbuster night. I expect more of this going forward. This morning we got up early. D & I went to Ihop to get breakfast for us and W. We had breakfast together and W went to get a document notorized.
It is probably the D document she went to get notorized. Just as I stated before, I dont want to sign anything that I will regret. I had both soft and hard copy of what I told her about the D. I dont know if you really have to agree or is the court will force you to sign the D document. W didnt mentioned what kind of document she needed to notorized. The D document is the only thing I know that possibly needs to be notorized.
I guess when I am served with a court notice then I know it is so. I think Missouri has a 90 day wait period before a S can do the D document since we are still living together.
W said she applied for her apt. I asked where she will be moving to because D needs to be at her pre-k by 8 am when classes begin. The traffic is very bad coming from the other direction. D's pre-k is right across the freeway from where we currently reside. W said its not important for me to know now. I said its ok. I moved on to do something else rather than making a big deal of it. I am sure OM knows more than me but agian it seems that OM is more important than me. About the huge medical bill that came in, its in my name and only my credit can be ruined if not paid.
I wont mention this bill to her anymore. I will pay it as I feel. But I will elaborate to her that she never paid any of D's daycare expenses within 1 yr or more. So I feel she needs to contribute to pay off this expense.
I can get a loan from my company to pay this off but I am getting an interview Monday for a pretty good job. From what it seems, I am half way in already. I have the interview with the hiring manager. If hired, I will be working from home, 3 2 days trips within 6 weeks for client visits. I will be working as a contractor for Dell until 6-8 months if Dell has an open req I can be placed. If not, I remain a FTE with the parent company. I will be getting close to 6 figures, all benefits paid, company provides hotel stay, meals, car rental, and airfare. Anything else is reimbursable. I am required to do a 4 wk paid training in Springfield, IL.
Which means, W will have to change her shift to 8-5 to pick up D on time. Dont no if she can do this, but I ask why should I worry when I am making so much sacrifices already for D, its about time she does. I will have to talk to her more about this and get her opinion. If offered, prolly my company will do a counter offer but wont meet the 6 figures but will come as close to it as possible given the fact that I completed my PMP course and all that is left is to sit the exam. The company knows I can make 6 figures thereafter but they will do their best for retention.
Thats all for now.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
