Ok well I am struggling again so I need some words of encouragement. I am not sure if my 180 and LRT is working. Ever since our talk that fateful Sunday I have seen less of him then ever. I used to see him every day or else he would be over our house during the day and there would be signs that he was here but there have been none in over a week. I am at loss and I miss him so much. Not just as my H but as my best friend.
I found out where he went yesterday with our S. He took him to Chuck E Cheeses with an ex of his who has a little girl about our S's age. She is terminally ill and is taking some experimental non FDA approved drugs right now that make her feel well enough but I guess they are not fixing what she has really. Anyway I just do not know how to take any of this. I figure he is spending his time with her and I am not sure how I feel about this. Yesterday when we did the swap in the afternoon he told me all about everything so I am not thinking it is anything more than friendship but I am just wish we were spending more time together.
He did stay about an hour yesterday after I got home and I did catch him looking at me a couple of times and I swear when he left he said Bye Hon but I am not sure since our S was talking and the TV was on. He does not look very happy but that could just be his being tired since he works 3rd shift. I was very nice yesterday and treated him like I would my best friend as he is. I am just sad that I have lost him it feels like in this way. Our friends D is turning 4 on Saturday and they are having a birthday party for her so I asked him if he wanted to go. He said he was unsure then he said probably not so I said well think about it and tell me on Thursday. Which he said "OK" to.
I think I am just feeling very down today and missing him a lot. Any words of encouragement or thoughts on my sitch. This has been the toughest 4 weeks of my life. He seems to be pulling away more now then before. I am hoping that he comes over this weekend but I am not counting on it.
