Newbie Needing Direction from Veterans--Help!

[justaboutdone]

I'm hoping to get some advice from those of you who have a greater understanding of what is going on in the MLCer's head. Any would be appreciated.

I was recently reading some posts regarding setting boundaries and the MLC spouse needing to feel the loss and the consequences of his/her actions. Well, my H is still living in the house (we cannot afford to live separately with our current debt). He sleeps in our bed because its comfortable and we don't want to upset the children. Through this whole ordeal I have remained nice--probably too much so. He's definitely been cake eating and has been emotionally and verbally abusive. I've decided to set the boundary of leaving the room when he starts in on stuff like that.

I haven't really minded continuing to "act like his wife" in taking care of the house, fixing meals or helping him out. But I've been doing that for 10 months now and I'm starting to think that is more of the same that seems to just be perpetuating the situation.

I'm starting to question whether I have any self-respect but I also feel deep down that he really is in a crisis and just don't know how much to believe from him. He insists vehemently that when he can afford it he will be gone before I know it and that he really truly hates me. He's said it so much that I feel like I'm just being dense and stupid if I don't listen. The last time he spewed at me he said, "I don't think you get the finality of it." My two best friends, who know us well and have lived this with me, feel like there has to be some cut and dry end to the old relationship for there to even be a chance at a new one. How can I go dark or dim (and truly "drop the rope") while he's still in my house and my bed.