Thank you, friends. I am still waiting to hear what is happening. I checked in with her quickly this morning, and she was so tired. At least her mom was coherent last night, with her family surrounding the bed. She was able to make eye contact, listen to all those who love her, and then used her hands to show that she was tired and wanted to sleep. bff was so happy that she was able to go, and was planning on spending the day today (her kids will go with another friend from their parochial school afterwards for hw and dinner).
As far as H...I feel any hope slipping away. Some have told me that he is simply too proud to go back, others that he is too stubborn, that once an opinion is formed, that is it. The treatment and lack of caring that he has shown though, as of late...he says that he cares, or he wouldn't stay on the phone with me when we have talked--he would simply hang up. But his message has been clear for so long.
It is just that he means so much to me, something that my IC and I have touched on, but that she doesn't believe I am ready to face head-on, yet. A lot has to do with how I grew up, and the co-dependency, and the way I have formed bonds with his family. So much is being lost, so much is at stake. And the court date in Nov is starting to loom before me.
He says that I haven't given him the chance to miss me--but how can that happen when he is involved with another woman? Who he says that he is in love with, not willing to stop seeing her? She is getting divorced.
I am just so scared that it is truly over, that he won't ever change his mind. I know that my worrying won't change anything--if anything, it is making matters worse. Same with the sadness, desperation, all of it.
I have made so many changes...and he won't ever be able to see them, experience them. IC noted that I am in full-fledge grief at this point--maybe that is what acceptance (or the precursor) is.
