I think over the last three or four weeks (since my trip to Disney), several things happened. I continued to detach and try to focus on me (and my kids), and to put W and the sitch out of my mind, while being friendly. That was good. Second, after discussing it with my IC, we decided it might be productive in a future JC session for me see if W would engage in the IMAGO dialogue while exploring why I come across as "hostile" to W at times (her chief complaint the last 4 months, and a long-standing complaint since the initial bomb). So, in preparation for that, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I was feeling anger, bitterness and resentment towards W. The list is long, and you can all imagine whay and relate to it I am sure. The unintended byproduct of this was I actually began to feel more angry, bitter, resentful, etc., and this was manifesting itself more than in the past when I had successfully put things on the back burner. All of this was NOT good. Third, while removing myself from these boards over the past few weeks, reading less, journaling less, etc. (eg, taking a break from such active DBing) was good for my detachment was probably very good for me and my sanity, it did cause me to lose sight of many critical and valuable DB principles (like, the 48-hour rule, the no R talk rule, the put your needs away for now rule, and more), and this was NOT good. Those three things came to a point of congruence Monday afternoon and evening, when we had two phone R talks. Overall, probably not good for my sitch and chances. Some good things may come from it, but overall damage done. But, probably not determinative . . . so have to pick myself up, dust myself off, learn from it, and get back to work.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
