CF: Got a response from W. re: savings. As you know, D16 is out in Utah for her seventh month of school. W says it's a struggle month to month to pay everything. D16s behavior and relation with W, especially were terrible. D16 insisted she has had "issues" going back to 4th grade, especially w/ W. but W. never listened to her. A little melodramatic, but, it's her reality.
W and D16 got into fist fights last year. W. in turn blamed me saying that had I been a better husband, I would have made her stop. (In the words of one of my friends here who went through hell with his former wife: "Sounds like an individual soldier responsibility to me")
If you've read my previous threads, W. always did what W. wanted to do no matter what. Last summer, she tore the bedroom apart, throwing glass bowls through walls, fist fulls of jewlerey at me as I tried to calm her down. Granted, it was 2 months after I tried to check out of life, and she agreed to try and work it out, so I get the frustration.
Her response: "I was being alone with my own things" WHAT??? All 3 kids witnessed this. She will probably say, that's never happened again, because she's now "Happy"...bulls%&t.....
In 2004, I said to W: "I know why D13 (younger daughter) reacts so strongly when you take her to task on anything. No one wants to feel your rath....MY EXACT WORDS. (D13 would say over and over "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.. almost hysterically)
W.'s response to me: "So, you think I'm a shi^^y mother?" 180 degree shift onto me. She honestly believed I could make any difference trying to intervene with D16????????
Anyway: D16's school is almost 8K a month. That's where she needs to be right now. That puts a tremendous burden on finances at home with 2 other kids. All the money I make here is pretty much tax free, and I have to write separate checks to start a savings plan here. So, no....I haven't saved anything. Excuses? Maybe.
A vindicative (or maybe stronger) individual would state to W: "I'm putting 1K away because I refuse to live in the same pathetic surroundings when I return"
That aside: I can already feel that I am a different person from the one who left for Iraq in June. This experience in a war zone has filled such a void in me, that it's almost indescribably. Before W. announced she wanted a D back on July 30, 2006, I was the most outgoing, self-confident person you would meet (at least outwardly. I'm actually a painful introvert who works at it every day in 2 jobs that require being extroverted)
After that announcement, my spirit and almost my whole reason for being died (as I almost did at my own hand as you may recall...bad times) I talked with an Army doctor before I came here about what I did. He assured me that he had seen it a bunch of times before in the Army. His best line was "Some people break their leg and it heals..you had a broken spirit", almost like a chaplian rather than a doctor. He was so great!
Serving in this high level position at a high level of personal performance has really restored a lot of my confidence. I'm still 10 months from returning home, and as the Iraqis say "an shalah"..... whatever is God's will. I can't control it. I get a vote, but mine doesn't count.
I will continue to email W. and talk to kids and email them. I'll still have a good job when I return, and provided I continue to perform at my current level, a Bronze Star.....an incredibly rewarding and humbling feeling. Not that you EVER come here for that, but what a tremendous feeling. To have an award that recognizes...I was there when I was called and needed....nothing like it. I have a sense of peace within myself I have not felt since this whole nightmare began.
If things don't work out, I refuse to be the victim and say, as I did before: "I'll live in a refigerator box..you keep the house. You buy 25 dollar bottles of wine, I'll continue to not have a stove. I'll demand accomodations that won't throw me into that rat hole I was in last year.
As BeingMe and COG have both said: I am a good person. I don't deserve to be treated like an old carpet as I was before, but it's just not in me to ever be the one to initiate a divorce, unfortunately as bad as things get.
One of W's close friends said I was almost like a battered spouse. COG has seen this behavior longer than even CatFan!!!!
He's right...My W. is a sick person...I've heard it from several prople who have been with me throughout this, including many neighbors that she has alienatied......but what can I do about that...continue to email. Not to make excuses, but look at the behavior...go back and read he threads.
Probably true, but you ALL know the desperation of the situation, because YOU'RE ALL IN IT OR HAVE BEEN IN IT!!!!! It took both of them saying that to look at that once again and really BELIEVE IT. I may get divorced, and I may be lonely...for a while. I AM really a good guy who deserves someone nice or at least kind....
At 8K a month.....what money is available anyway? I don't really care.
NoHill: You may be back here yet again. Where were you last time? Out in MNF-W with the Marines? In my job, I see the same stuff that GEN Petraues briefed on TV. His numbers ARE accurate. Warriors hate to leave any job undone.......I have time to write tonight, because there's not a lot going on. No MEDEVACS overhead all day.. Your former PLT SGT IS right, too bad most of America doesn't believe it.
