I feel that a part of your "message" has a subtle emasculation of men that sort of turns me off the more I think of it. Sorry, that’s just how I feel. I'm also beginning to develop suspicions why your H left you.
I really want to post a serious response to this but right now I'm still laughing too hard.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Just to be controlling, mean and vindictive. Why do you ask?
I asked because I was curious. I was curious because I have seen you do it several times. I was curious as to whether you were making a conscious choice to do so. Now I know. Thanks for answering.
Cobra the interpretation that take from Deidas work is a bit different.
"Your mission is your priority. Unless you know your mission and have aligned your life to it, your core will feel empty. Your presence in the world will be weakened, as will your presence with your intimate partner."
What he seems to be saying to me is that what the feminine wants is the masculine presence and consciousness. The career and the purpose are just manifestations of that presence and consciousness in a realm that are not in relationship. The gifts that you give are of your masculine consciousness and presence not only to your wife but the world (cosmos/creation/everything/god).
1. The man’s primary purpose is pursuit of his main objective, be that career, a hobby, the arts, whatever. 2. The woman is the inspiration for the man’s primary purpose. 3. The man’s responsibility is to share gifts with his woman that he achieves through pursuit of his primary purpose. 4. The woman’s primary purpose is the relationship.
Is this an accurate representation of Dieda? If so, I have a couple questions.
1) Re: #3 What kinds of gifts will I be getting? I have a tendency to lose jewelery so maybe cash would be best. 2) Re: #4 If I take care of the whole Dr.Laura list by noon, can I slack off for the rest of the day reading novels and wandering around plant nurseries spending my cash gift?
Seriously, I don't have a clear picture of some of the points but I will say that I definitely agree with #1. My 2bx's lack of a primary purpose was no picnic. The guys that I've dated and liked best have all had very clear cut primary purposes and I knew just what they were by the end of our first date, although the fact that some of them also had joint custody of their kids seemed to be making their lives rather overloaded and this gives off kind of a confusing dating vibe. (Of course, the bunkey was giving off rather a confusing vibe herself. - lol) Also, I find that I almost reflexively reject men whose primary purpose doesn't interest me. For instance, I can't date a man who is a hockey coach because I know the relationship wouldn't work because I would be like "How did the game go, honey? Did you team score any touchdowns? (yawn)"
Last edited by MJontheMend; 09/12/0705:43 PM.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
What he seems to be saying to me is that what the feminine wants is the masculine presence and consciousness.
Yes, I see this throughout the book.
The career and the purpose are just manifestations of that presence and consciousness in a realm that are not in relationship. The gifts that you give are of your masculine consciousness and presence not only to your wife but the world (cosmos/creation/everything/god).
I see this too. He does speak a lot about masculine versus feminism presence, the spiritual gifts, etc. But I also notice that his underlying theme is still rooted in the physical plane. He seems to be say (indirectly) that the woman has an inherent insecurity to her, not as any sort of flaw, but because her “purpose” is to focus on the relationship and the family. So she will be dependent on various aspects of the man’s security.
I see Dieda proposing that the man’s role is to address and sooth this inherent insecurity in women. But to do so, the man must focus on himself and his mission (whatever that is) to ensure the man’s success. The man can then share the “gifts” of that success with the woman to calm her vulnerable position. His purpose cannot be the woman.
p. 116 – “A woman really wants her man to be totally dedicated to his highest purpose – and also to love her fully. Although she would never admit it, she wants to feel that her man would be willing to sacrifice their relationship for the sake of his highest purpose.”
p. 117 - “If the woman has become the point of your life, you are lost.”
p. 70 – “One of the deepest feminine desires in intimacy (though not in business or simple friendship) is to be able to relax and surrender, knowing that her man is taking care of everything.”
Mojo,
Maybe someone else sees another aspect to Dieda, but that is the core of his message to me. He does not lay it out so cleanly anywhere in his book. Those 4 points also do not address the more emotional themes he talks about.
1) Re: #3 What kinds of gifts will I be getting? I have a tendency to lose jewelery so maybe cash would be best. 2) Re: #4 If I take care of the whole Dr.Laura list by noon, can I slack off for the rest of the day reading novels and wandering around plant nurseries spending my cash gift?
BRAVO MOJO!!!!
Fran (still literally laughing out loud)
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Is this an accurate representation of Dieda? If so, I have a couple questions.
1) Re: #3 What kinds of gifts will I be getting? I have a tendency to lose jewelery so maybe cash would be best. all gifts are dispersed at the sole discretion of the giver, and are non-transferrable. rewards offer valid in all 50 states, except where expresely prohibited by law. no warantees as to the actual cash value of said gifts is expressed or implied. see aggreement for complete details. 2) Re: #4 If I take care of the whole Dr.Laura list by noon, can I slack off for the rest of the day reading novels and wandering around plant nurseries spending my cash gift? a: depends on the specific purpose. If the candidate's purpose happens to be "brokering stocks", then the answer would most probably be "yes". However, if the purpose was something more along the lines of...say..."jazz saxophonist"...the gifts will be somewhat more um..."sparse". In such cases, it is likely that your afternoons will find you otherwise occupied with "persuits" that bring their own reward.
In all seriousness, while this guys musings may inspire a bit of contemplative chin-stroking for some, much of it really comes off as being quite anti-female...which goes against my hippie-dippy leftist upbringing.
Someone (I don't know who) far wiser than Deida had a better piece of advice for people like me:
In all seriousness, while this guys musings may inspire a bit of contemplative chin-stroking for some, much of it really comes off as being quite anti-female...which goes against my hippie-dippy leftist upbringing.
You know this is an interesting statement from you because I would never equate such ideas with the impression have of you, not the hippy part but the anti-female part. I never had the impression that you were so pro-feminist. That seems to be at odds with the tone I recall in your past posts..... definitely a topic for discussion on your sitch I think.
Dear God, thank you for my husband who has always encouraged me to pursue my own art and ideas independent of him and does the same so we both always have something fresh to bring back to the relationship, who appreciates our partnership and the equal exchange of ideas and strong shoulders to lean on, who doesn't care or even pay the least attention to who is walking in front on any given day. Amen.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
1. The man’s primary purpose is pursuit of his main objective, be that career, a hobby, the arts, whatever. 2. The woman is the inspiration for the man’s primary purpose. 3. The man’s responsibility is to share gifts with his woman that he achieves through pursuit of his primary purpose. 4. The woman’s primary purpose is the relationship.
Cobra, if you were a woman and read that list, what impression would you get?
