Just catching up on your sitch and I agree with the others that H is in reactive mode. I was right where he is right now. I did the best I could (at the time) to give her her space early on, and when I decided that I couldn't stand it anymore I got reactive and filed for D, became cold and distant, etc. I even went out on a few dinner/mini-golf dates just out of spite. Obviously, none of this worked the way I wanted it to (I wanted her to come back because I was now dictating the tempo -- didn't happen).
All of this happened pre-DBing and reading DR. I think these prior wrong moves more or less sealed the coffin for me. W saw me as still trying to control, dictate, etc, and whatever sliver of hope that was previously there disappeared.
My point is this: H isn't done -- not yet. Didn't he just get back from that trip and expect that you would want him back? That doesn't seem like someone who had made their decision to end the R/M to me. H is frustrated, and is grasping for control because he hasn't had any (in regard to the R/M) for sometime. Give him this space, and it will show him that he cannot get control by being reactive. He will eventually come to realize he is his own undoing, but like we've all worried, it may take him a while. He will need to hit rock bottom and give up his pride before he can make any much needed changes. Hopefully he will get there before you've moved on and the feelings have died.
