You are amazing. You can do this. You are soooo close.
I know that lying is a dealbreaker. But from what I'm reading, Lin is right. He feels cornered. He is reacting in the way he has become accustomed to in recent years and it's going to take a bit to make those changes. I'm NOT suggesting you ok this, only that you keep doing exactly what you are doing. Breathe. Do not react until you are ready, to information you discover.
He is lying to HER. My H did not tell her the reason he was moving out at first. I think he told her he needed some space and may have even gone as far as to tell her that he didn't want his sons/family to think badly of him because he moved in with her before ending his marriage so he needed time to do that. OUCH. I still haven't asked for the details. Not sure I will. It really doesn't matter now. I know enough though, to know that although part of his motivation was to protect her feelings, most of it was trying to avoid having to look himself in the mirror and admit he used her and made a horrible mess out of a whole lot of people's lives.
My point is... cheaters lie. It's not ok. But. He wants YOU. He wants his life back. He wants this to just be over, but he's having a hard time facing the mess he made. Right now, just NOW, he is lying because he wants you to believe him again (i know, i know, it's really twisted) and is terrified that the other shoe will fall and you'll give up on him. He is terrified that you will throw this in his face forever. You may have NEVER done that, but they figure they would, and that they deserve it, so they think they have lost the right for your trust. This is underneath.
My husband lied to me when I thought it was done. He didn't tell her he was done as quickly as I wanted/thought. I found out (snooping through his box of cards/letters while he was at work while I was down on a surprise visit about 3 months ago)and almost blew everything. I WISH I'd heard him tell her he is working on his marriage and not to contact him again. I WISH I'd seen him drop off a letter like that. He told me I can call her if I want and say anything I want to. But there isn't any reason. He won't take her calls and won't contact her. Doesn't even remember her number (I have it though- HA!). They don't deserve the space, but they need it and you have TIME. A quote I read on someone's sig., "Love me when I least deserve it, that's when I need it the most.", helped me.
He is getting rid of her. That is all you need to see NOW. Today. You have the rest of your life to ask questions and sort out the lies from the truth when you find what you need to know. Let her be the wench demanding money and explanations. Stay diligent, stay strong. Take care of you. But try, just for now, not to argue about the discrepencies in his stories. He may be confused, he's definitely cornered, and keep your eye on what you want to accomplish now... Friday. Just a few more days.
Then SHE will lie. She probably will try to contact you and make you throw him out. She KNOWS that's the only way he's leaving. Learn to laugh at her foolishness... to think she holds a candle to someone like you. Pity her and her pathetic attempt to hold on to someone who doesn't want her. But like you said, don't let that be what tears apart what you've worked so hard for.
Keeping a PMA-- acting as if--- in piecing it matters so much. He doesn't even miss her, Cat, he just wants it over so he can look you in the eye and beleive you have a chance together. He'll stop lying when he feels safe to tell the truth.
I dunno, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about...just trying to give ya strength until Friday. You are so amazing and have helped me so much. You can do this Cat.
