back to square -1 or -10000

[cat03]

well well well, and the plot thickens.

Verizon says there is no way to get a person's new cell by any means unless the person gives it away. That there is no way to make it private, they can only change the # and block all txt msgs. So, either he call her (why pay the fee and change the #? to lie to me again?) or... what? Don't know.

When I had my meltdown and shut my phone off and wouldnt' answer our phone at home he called like crazy--thinking I was through with him --txt me that he'd change his # that night, that we could go together to drop off the letter, anything. When I found out about the debt he was even going to give me his phone.
Later he decided he needed his phone, that it was better to pay her and drop letter at the same time.

Well, no dice. When I see him tomorrow morning I'm going to demand he calls her and tells her what's in the letter or we are done. That I know he call her with the new number, what else could've it been? I warned him that if he lied to me one more time that 'd be it.

I'm so angry, and can't even call him right now, he lost his charger and his phone is dead, the brand new phone he got.

[imLIN]

For a fee you can access numbers for cell phones...also, if she has anyone who is in the PI business she might have pulled a favor...

Could it be that at first his number was given out instead of it saying it was disconnected?

I am curious to see what you find out...but, in the event he did lie...keep your cool because he is still feeling cornered no doubt.

[cat03]

oh geez imLin, I've been looking up and as you say, she'd have to pay to get his cell... still, darn, of course I can't remember everything he said about how many times he called V, and .. ***groan!!***

OK, cooling down now, you are right, I MUST cool down before I unleash hell and then look like a loon and then be the one putting up the lid on the coffin of our M.

Breath in, breath out.........

[runningoutoftime]

Wow, I think this almost sounds like the end stages of MLC to me. It's almost like everything is crashing down on your husband, stress over job, trying to keep two women from becoming angry, etc...

I can't blame your anger. But do try and calm down prior to saying or doing anything. I seem to always regret what I do in anger. If you still feel the same after the anger has passed and you've had time to think... then you know you will be going in the direction that truly feels right for you.

[Aud31]

((Cat)) Keep breathing. It's another hill on the rollercoaster. You can do this. ImLin's right--if he is lying, it's most likely because he's feeling cornered, overwhelmed by everything, and it's his natural defense mechanism. Like that helps. I wish I could just sit with you this afternoon. Hang in there.

[cat03]

thanks gals, going to the C helped me TONS today.

In so many words, the C made me understand that we need to talk about the grounds rules for this marriage. For so long I've kept saying "I can't take one more lie" and then he lies and then.. nothing. So the C suggested asking H some questions about our marriage and truth, not to drill him nor demand from him. To calmly lay out what I stand for.
In this way, in the future, he will think very well if he wants to mess around again, because he will know the consecuences and will make his own decisions without me interfering (I was about to force H to either give me his phone or that I send a msg to op that I'd post her picts everywhere if she were to contact my H again).

I feel a new kind of peace because if op wants to find him he will, but he will be the one who has to stop her, not me.

[whapu]

CAT,

Kudos to you...It almost seems like those waves of anger and anxiety lapping against the shore have lessened. Only words of wisdom in your post and very ZEN...next week NIRVANA....Sounds like you ended construction trying to pave his road and he will only be better because of it and more importantly so will YOU.....He is very lucky to have you....peace

[cat03]

awwww, thanks toots haven't seen much on your post lately, guess things are the same, wish you the best too.

Nirvana, he he

[cat03]

well, talk didnt' go as planned, but for a change we both did held our tongues when we were getting to mad, and the talk didnt' turn into one of those walk-away-angry sessions. So much was said, bottom line, when he drops, well, we, drop off the letter and money to her it will be the last he'll contact her, his phone records will be open to me starting this month. He didnt' want me to see how much he'd talk to her this past few weeks because *sigh* until she gets paid and drops the letter she still thinks she is giving him space. Yes, he is not strong enough now to face her and tell her to her face that it's over. But, this will be the end on his end. He will change phone # again.

We did have an argument about the money, that I just dont' believe is for the car repair and he swears it is, tried to find the car shop to give me a receipt but couldnt (on his defence, it was taken to a place that has shop after shop of repair places, he was driven there, and he's never been able before to remember a place by going there once. So, I'm still not happy about it, but I guess I have to put some blind faith here and assume the $ we are giving her are for the repairs. He started telling me that me asking for proof when he had none was just me trying to disect and get more info about what he had down with her.

Anyways.......... can't wait 'til Friday when this mess w/her in the background is over. My H is really expecting her to make a big fuss and keeps begging me to change our phone # , if he could he'd change our address he said, because he imagens she is going to go nuts and try to get to me and tell me stuff that might hurt me. I told him the whole thing hurt me, him havign a PA was the wrost I had to deal with, her telling me stories won't make me break appart what I've been working so hard for.

[DiDi]

Hi Cat--

You are amazing. You can do this. You are soooo close.

I know that lying is a dealbreaker. But from what I'm reading, Lin is right. He feels cornered. He is reacting in the way he has become accustomed to in recent years and it's going to take a bit to make those changes. I'm NOT suggesting you ok this, only that you keep doing exactly what you are doing. Breathe. Do not react until you are ready, to information you discover.

He is lying to HER. My H did not tell her the reason he was moving out at first. I think he told her he needed some space and may have even gone as far as to tell her that he didn't want his sons/family to think badly of him because he moved in with her before ending his marriage so he needed time to do that. OUCH. I still haven't asked for the details. Not sure I will. It really doesn't matter now. I know enough though, to know that although part of his motivation was to protect her feelings, most of it was trying to avoid having to look himself in the mirror and admit he used her and made a horrible mess out of a whole lot of people's lives.

My point is... cheaters lie. It's not ok. But. He wants YOU. He wants his life back. He wants this to just be over, but he's having a hard time facing the mess he made. Right now, just NOW, he is lying because he wants you to believe him again (i know, i know, it's really twisted) and is terrified that the other shoe will fall and you'll give up on him. He is terrified that you will throw this in his face forever. You may have NEVER done that, but they figure they would, and that they deserve it, so they think they have lost the right for your trust. This is underneath.

My husband lied to me when I thought it was done. He didn't tell her he was done as quickly as I wanted/thought. I found out (snooping through his box of cards/letters while he was at work while I was down on a surprise visit about 3 months ago)and almost blew everything. I WISH I'd heard him tell her he is working on his marriage and not to contact him again. I WISH I'd seen him drop off a letter like that. He told me I can call her if I want and say anything I want to. But there isn't any reason. He won't take her calls and won't contact her. Doesn't even remember her number (I have it though- HA!). They don't deserve the space, but they need it and you have TIME. A quote I read on someone's sig., "Love me when I least deserve it, that's when I need it the most.", helped me.

He is getting rid of her. That is all you need to see NOW. Today. You have the rest of your life to ask questions and sort out the lies from the truth when you find what you need to know. Let her be the wench demanding money and explanations. Stay diligent, stay strong. Take care of you. But try, just for now, not to argue about the discrepencies in his stories. He may be confused, he's definitely cornered, and keep your eye on what you want to accomplish now... Friday. Just a few more days.

Then SHE will lie. She probably will try to contact you and make you throw him out. She KNOWS that's the only way he's leaving. Learn to laugh at her foolishness... to think she holds a candle to someone like you. Pity her and her pathetic attempt to hold on to someone who doesn't want her. But like you said, don't let that be what tears apart what you've worked so hard for.

Keeping a PMA-- acting as if--- in piecing it matters so much. He doesn't even miss her, Cat, he just wants it over so he can look you in the eye and beleive you have a chance together. He'll stop lying when he feels safe to tell the truth.

I dunno, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about...just trying to give ya strength until Friday. You are so amazing and have helped me so much. You can do this Cat.