All hope is lost/help

[Evie]

Thanks Cat for the advice.

I shall suggest some time out, I think the cinema is the best option for now. I was DB until we had a R talk about 2 weeks ago when H said he 'thought' he needed to move out. It was a back slide for me, as I thought we were doing ok. I said some stuff that on reflection I shouldn't have said and I feel guilty about now. I feel as if I have become stronger in the last 2 weeks and no longer have the same fear about him moving out.

My H often mirror images my behaviour ie if i'm nice, he'll be nice, if I phone during the day he will (although yesterday i ignored a text and he commented on it later). Mind games do not work with him and it drives me insane when he does it to me. I have said to him to not do it to me and to be kind and respectful to me and i'm learning not to do it to him.

The problem is he said we get on like friends and in this current mood, all seems ok on the surface, but I obviously want more connection and intimacy with him. I feel that I hardly know him at all, our current relationship is how we have been for the past few years except i now have the knowledge of how he truely feels.

He said he didnt want to be intimate with me anymore, yet we have been. It sends a confusing signal. Does he do it out of a need just for sex or out of desire?

I forgot to mention that another issue maybe finances (apart from the issue with my D's from PM). WE have a property abroad and the mortgage is crippling us. We bought it as an investment, we rent it out, but the cash is tied up abroad. It has crippled us for the last 4 years. I think it has been a noose around his neck and a huge pressure. It was a risk for me to do, but i backed him on it. It is on the market now, so i'm hoping for a quick sale. I have asked him if he is waiting until it sells before he moves out? His answer was 'no', but this was around the time of bomshell, and we haven't talked about it since.

Just a bit cross that I also seem to have to clear up after him, dirty plates, sock etc. I work full time as well.....

I'm getting the impression from you cat, that I have nothing to lose from iniating almost everything, but perhaps I am frightened of the rejection, but If I don't try, i'll never know will I.

Can anyone offer clarity or advise?