I am not prone to anxiety attacks, but I do trend toward co-dependent panic attacks where he is concerned, which is what this is. hey, at least I recognize it. I can breathe, but it feels like I can't catch a breath a bit, even though the reality is I am okay (at least breathing wise). not like I need intervention or anything. the first few weeks after the bomb were really awful, because the whole time I felt like this. now I just do from time to time. it sucks, but I know what it is, so that, somehow, makes it better. to go back to the circle analogy, I feel like I've lost some more of the filler and I'm panicking because of it. but the reality, and I do know this, is that the filler isn't real, anyway, and i need to keep focusing on myself and filling it in myself.
in the meantime, I just finished my ab tape and tae bo. hey, at least by the time my damn circle is finished, I'll look smokin' hot, right? lol. oh, alright, maybe not quite that good, but better. I feel a little better. hey, it beats crying in the corner and eating a bowl full of cookie dough, right?
as for whether these are assumptions or not, there is a small bit of assumption going on, but not so much like the whiskey bottle. this has my gut involved. the whiskey didn't make sense to me, it was counter-intuitive, but this, well, my gut tells me its so, and whenever I've known for sure in my gut like this, I've been right. but hey, I suppose since some of it is assumption/speculation, I could always pretend he's going out to work in a soup kitchen instead of what I think he's really doing, right?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
