There and Back, #5

[mkultra]

That is a great song. The mood fits me perfectly right now. I also went to the dentist. Are we seperated at birth?

I am not PMS ing though. I joked in MC that if I ever took my H back that one stipulation would be sex four times per week and he checks into a hotel the 6,7, 8th of each month because of PMS! I am nice the rest of the month!

I know this sounds horrible horrible Morgan. But I do not really obsess over some of the sex stuff regarding the OW or candles or trips but you know what I do obsess over? The menstrual cycle. I feel like that is such an intimate part of a relationship. My H and I did not even live together the first year we were engaged because of our colleges were about 100 miles apart. I cannot believe he cohabitated directly from our marriage with a practical stranger and it sickens me that he knows her cycle since it has been a few months. That is real intimacy, not just dating. I know I warned you I was going to be gross. That is a huge trigger because when you are married you expect to share your life completely and safely, flaws and all.

The thought of someone having a fantasy is one thing but reality is another. Now I am depressed. Damn, and I am not even PMSy.

Morgan, This may be small consolation, but after I went dark, I found peace in knowing that I was no longer responsible in providing my H any emotional support. He would have to get it all from his transitional friends and OW. I know this has had a real negative impact on their R and circumstance. It is a risk because my children are now detaching and perhaps it will make their (H and OW) island more isolated, but that is no longer my place so I kind of don't care. Going Dark onto Plan B is painful but it is also keeping me from getting hurt. I do not suggest it to you, though. I am just saying that his R might get really strained. It is not all wine and roses having an affair. he is having an affair. That is clandestine and disturbing not liberating and safe like a happy marriage.