Jeeez, between you and Fearless this must be dissect Cobra’s brain day. I know you’re working your way toward something, but point me in the right direction, because “Who you are” can cover a lot of territory. Are you looking for a definition of who I am as H or a father, as a man, from an emotional standpoint, as regarding career, or that elusive “what is my purpose in life?”
I'm looking for.... "I'm not sure yet.... you are covering a lot of ground... can you give me a chance to catch up?"
Honest. Vulnerable.
It allows me to NOT label you as my father... as you figure it out.
And I can... maybe... stand down. As long as you are not in my face about all this, Who You Are stuff... in the interim... but maybe say to me... "look. I'm figuring it out. In the process, I am NOT your father. If you could also consider, in the interim... Who You Are... we might go out... friday night, for a nice meal at xxx... take a walk... and ponder it and all that we are considering seperately... but do it together. And maybe... I can help you... and you can help me... dunno."
Say everything... that I am saying to you... and you are saying to me..... in your honesty... bless you.. don't say it to me. Don't take me to xxx restaurant... say all those things to your wife... and then ask her to go to xxx restaurant... ask her to walk with you.... minus her father... in the company of YOU who is figuring it out... and talk about it. And talk about her. And how hard and confusing it is... to figure it out. AND maybe... you can tackle the confusion together...
Ohhh, I see now, I’m supposed to ask you out on a date? Misread where the quotes start and stop.
Actually, no, I’m not sure I get what you’re driving at. Are you trying to strike and armistice, a standing down of our past in-your-face confrontations in order to work with each other? If that’s what you want, why didn’t you just say so? I still think I would like the date better.
God, that saying... "Do not walk in front of me, for I shall not follow. Do not walk behind me, for I shall not lead. Just walk beside me, and be my friend."
Do you get that? {Pleading... hopeful... friend voice?}
Say everything... that I am saying to you... and you are saying to me..... in your honesty... bless you.. don't say it to me. Don't take me to xxx restaurant... say all those things to your wife... and then ask her to go to xxx restaurant... ask her to walk with you.... minus her father... in the company of YOU who is figuring it out... and talk about it. And talk about her. And how hard and confusing it is... to figure it out. AND maybe... you can tackle the confusion together...
Ok, I guess we cross posted, I see your follow up reply. I see what your saying (you can be so cryptic at times). Yeah, I agree we need to do something like that, and in a way, that is exactly what we did last week on the phone. Phone calls seem to work better for us. She doesn’t feel so overwhelmed, she feels the physical distance, neither of us get as reactive.
But these relationship talks touch on some deep vulnerabilities and I have always had trouble getting her to talk about these things. The only way I can get to these levels is to just keep pressing past all the deflections and excuses. Eventually we get there and make some good progress.
"Do not walk in front of me, for I shall not follow. Do not walk behind me, for I shall not lead. Just walk beside me, and be my friend."
You might not believe this (or you might), but she is usually the one who will walk in front of me and try to lead (which ticks me off), unless I hold her hand to keep her in check. I have even mentioned this to her a few times. The deflection is “Oh, I just feel rushed, we’re in a hurry, blah, blah, blah…” Well, that will be another exercise to practice.
