I don't know how to forgive right now. I think the hurt is too raw. I have a fear that if I do verbally forgive H (he hasn't asked for it, by the way), that he will also consider that 'forgetting'.
You are one amazing father too by the way!
Thanks, lwb. Coming from someone such as yourself who has shown such poise in handling your conversation with your spouse, that's a great complement.
The thing about forgetting is that only God can truly "Forgive and Forget" It is impossible for we mortals -- we can forgive but we can not help but remember (if we're conscious of course.) And it is not necessary for the offender to ask for our forgiveness, nor to have repented their sin, nor even to have acknowledged the injury in the first place. All that is required is that we forgive that person, because, as Michele wrote, it is a gift to ourselves.
By forgiving those who have done us wrong, we in effect turn this hurt over to God, for He is the final judge. And by taking this burden off of us and letting God deal with that person (whether sooner or later) then we are freeing ourselves up to move on, past the pain. It does feel like the wise and spritually uplifting thing to do, but I also know, personally, that it is very, very hard to do. Every time you think you might be past the hurt, something dredges it back up. But then that is just part of the cyclical, evolving nature of our healing process. Each time it gets a little easier and little easier.
I really see the wisdom now in letting go and GAL'ing. It goes hand-in-hand with Forgiveness. It's more for us, not the spouse or the marriage necessarily.
