why don't I listen to my own stories?

[NikB]

Agent99 - you know this but I'm gonna remind you anyway, your H is moved out. He left you. Yeah, he's back and forth a lot, but he left. His every move isn't your concern right now. I know it's so hard but try not to get your hopes so high right now. I was about like you when my H suddenly (to me) went through an additional "detaching" phase and it hurt sooo bad because I was enjoying our small interactions so much.

The more space you can give him now, the better... give him more than he wants or asks for, more than you think he even needs - lots more. Hope you'll trust me on this.

I soo understand where you're coming from, I only smack ya once in awhile because you remind me so much of myself, and I don't want to see you in the sitch I'm in now 6 months from today.

Here are some examples:

I finally sent a text that said "Dang it! My cooking class for tomorrow night got cancelled-I'm so bummed!"

WHY is this any of his business or concern??

If it was someone you just met and went to the movies with once, would you have sent this? I doubt it.

I know, it's confusing because the person you told everything to is not the same anymore... but tell someone else!! Tell 20 friends how bummed you are if you have to. Not your H. He does not need to know your every move.

What if you'd been out having fun and busy tomorrow night and LATER he found out your class was canceled? Some good mystery and "Hmmm what's she up to?" there.

Earlier I had to text him to let him know a book he was expecting arrived.

I'm gonna call you on this one too. What's the longest you've gone without seeing each other? Is the book THAT urgent that he needed to know the instant it arrived? I doubt it... save it for next time you see him.

I won't pretend any of this is easy. It took me weeks to stop calling H every time he got a piece of mail! But the sooner you can do this the better.

I did invite him over for dinner tomorrow night since my evening was suddenly free and he said he wasn't sure yet; he could tell me tomorrow.

Make this the last invitation you extend for a looooong time. He wasn't sure because it's pressure plus guilt. He's trying to be a good guy - maybe he even wants some Agent99 cooked dinner! - but he also wants to feel separated.

Initially he hadn't wanted to go to this concert(and I *really* wanted to go) because we've seen the main band several times in the past 5 years. But when it was brought up at the bar the other night, our mutual friend was like "OMG! I am SO there!" (It's guy friend.) So, I said "Am I going to have to go with Friend?!" H was like "Well, if Friend is going, yeah, we can go." he added that it would be 'going somewhere with friends.'

I'm very excited for you about the concert!!

But as with the dinner thing.. please please please stop guilting him into doing stuff with you. Too late now, but just keep it in mind. Every time you do that it's like starting at 0 with the space he needs.

What would have been PERFECT is after the friend said he was "so there" you asked to go with him/his group of people. Your H would surely have known he could say "I'm there too!" if he wanted to.

All that said.. things sound really positive! I'm just trying to help you with some of the spots I tripped and fumbled with.