So ask yourself this...what is it that you are afraid of...beyond the final coffin nail. Do you fear being alone, not being able to pay bills, your children's future relationships, your children's present and future well-being, without you he will not be saved (exit the tunnel or something else), that divorce taints you--and you are a failure, that no one will love you again, your children will blame you, you will not be able to get up in the morning without him there--because he is your life, that without him you will not be complete...?
That's not a rhetorical question. Think long and hard about it. And notice that most of the examples I gave weren't relationship focused problems.
O.K., I am ready to answer this. Warning: If you are new and hopeful (or old and hopeful!) you may not want to read this!
What I fear more than anything is never having the chance to give my all to my H. That may sound ludicrous given the length of time I have been married (20+ years), but it is true. I didn't know/understand so many things until these past few years. My eyes have truly been opened.
Now that I know better, I can do better. It hurts so much to know that I won't be given the chance in this relationship. It hurts to know that I hurt the man I love, and I cannot fix it. Not only do I fear never having the chance to do things the right way, but I also fear having to live with the fact that I was married to the man I wanted to grow old(er) with and I blew it.
Sometimes I feel myself getting angry at my parents for modeling for me some really incorrect ways of having a relationship. Then I tell myself that it is not their fault. I am my own person and I need to be responsible for my mistakes.
In reading over this thread, it has really hit home that I don't really want just any answers. I want the one answer that everyone here wants: Yes, your spouse will come home and you will live happily ever after. Even though I know better I find myself still wanting someone to tell me that. I fear never getting past that. I fear always having that hope, even though everything tells me that hope should have died long ago.
And finally, I do fear for my sons' future relationships. My H is a product of divorce, and I am so afraid that my sons will think that it is o.k. to do the same someday. I fear that they will give up when they need to keep slugging away at things.
How I get past these things? I have no idea. But, I will keep working at it.
