As others have noticed, you have clearly emerged from your funk! You are so far out of it, in fact, that your feet seem to be a tad elevated above the ground. It does seem to me that you are in the perfect place (floating/comfortably numb?) from which to compassionately evaluate your wife's actions. It's likely that she felt exactly the same rush from the attentions of OM: the same sense of multitudes of fine prospects from which to select. Anybody would get a glow and a high and a sense of self-worth from the sort of attention you have been receiving. Something similar must have happened to your wife....must have happened to my husband.
Yet now that you, perhaps, have more in common with your wife than you may have experienced in a long time, you seem to be pushing her away and judging her more harshly. In this, also, you and your wife's experiences seem to run parallel. It's possible that she, also, pushed you away and judged you harshly in preparation to leaving.
All I'm saying is that the two of you have the possibility of greater understanding of one another.
But somehow I think that you are more ready to explore the night life than to analyze and understand. I don't blame you at all. I think that it's natural, but also a little bit sad. I have also dated people, although my divorce is not yet final---and the high of it is very intense.
And just a little dating tip: women find it very easy to conceal who they really are.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Hi everyone! Logging back on for the first time since Friday (I think). Anyone know what happened to my thread (and why so many posts were deleted)? I'm guessing it was done by a moderator, and I am guessing the posts (Mine? Others?) violated some posting rules/guidelines, but if anyone can confirm that I'm curious. And apologies if I did/said something wrong.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
There was something on the posts that was a little provocative, just can't remember exactly what it was. It wasn't a post from you though, I remember that much.
So, relax a little, build up some billable hours, & honor your friends here with some imput, we've missed it.
Huh, well that's too bad. I would like to have seen those posts again. Was reading many of them on the fly from BB. Oh well.
No, did not go out on a date Sunday.
Guess some critical things are going on for me and my sitch right now. Really noeed to journal it, but can't find the time. W and I ended up having two phone R talks yesterday. I would say we are approaching a critical juncture. Partly as a result of those calls (I will explain later), we are set for a JC session Friday morning. I will try to come fill in some details later.
Thanks, Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
W and I ended up having two phone R talks yesterday. I would say we are approaching a critical juncture. Partly as a result of those calls (I will explain later), we are set for a JC session Friday morning. I will try to come fill in some details later.
I'll be interested in hearing about this too (anticipating as I type). As far as the deleted posts go, I'm not sure what was said, as I haven't been around here much in the last week or so. Whatever was provocative has got me kind of curious though!
Anyway, just stopping by and checking up on you. Hope you're doing good, my friend. Don't know what to say about that dating discussion that was going on recently. Just follow your heart -- that's my very simple, staying-out-of-mud, answer.
I think over the last three or four weeks (since my trip to Disney), several things happened. I continued to detach and try to focus on me (and my kids), and to put W and the sitch out of my mind, while being friendly. That was good. Second, after discussing it with my IC, we decided it might be productive in a future JC session for me see if W would engage in the IMAGO dialogue while exploring why I come across as "hostile" to W at times (her chief complaint the last 4 months, and a long-standing complaint since the initial bomb). So, in preparation for that, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I was feeling anger, bitterness and resentment towards W. The list is long, and you can all imagine whay and relate to it I am sure. The unintended byproduct of this was I actually began to feel more angry, bitter, resentful, etc., and this was manifesting itself more than in the past when I had successfully put things on the back burner. All of this was NOT good. Third, while removing myself from these boards over the past few weeks, reading less, journaling less, etc. (eg, taking a break from such active DBing) was good for my detachment was probably very good for me and my sanity, it did cause me to lose sight of many critical and valuable DB principles (like, the 48-hour rule, the no R talk rule, the put your needs away for now rule, and more), and this was NOT good. Those three things came to a point of congruence Monday afternoon and evening, when we had two phone R talks. Overall, probably not good for my sitch and chances. Some good things may come from it, but overall damage done. But, probably not determinative . . . so have to pick myself up, dust myself off, learn from it, and get back to work.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
),