I'm running out of names for threads...

[COG]

I'm not so sure that I don't prefer the haze in a way, COG.

Reality bites sometimes.

Ignorance is false bliss I know, but this reality is going to mean bad things have to occur before this sitch gets any better. Namely, calling my husband on the alcohol thing at some point.

Think baby steps AmyC, baby steps. You don't have to turn the pot over all at once. Just pour out a little at a time. Start by arming yourself with tools and information. As always, start with YOU!

I never could stand up to it, except when I was that nasty MLCer. And I can't say that I "stood up" to it so much even then, but rather used it as my own defense for my actions

It's water under the bridge AmyC. We all know that MLC did'nt work for ya, so let's try something different this time. Try using all the gifts the Lord has given you. Wisdom, faith, courage, sense of humor, and tenacity. Believe in yourself, believe in the Lord, and embrace the mission He has chosen for you!

I see now that I did so much tap dancing around it to shield the kids before...made excuses, intervened when "discussions" weren't going well, straight up lied sometimes

They call it being an enabler, or co-dependant and you are definately not alone.

I kept it in for a long time, then went batty myself.

You went batty because you kept it in. You knew it was wrong, but you did'nt think you deserved better.

he was sober then, going to anger management and AA and he was better than I'd ever seen him....

Now save those words AmyC. You H needs to hear them from YOUR lips. You can berate him, critisize him, push and pull him, but those words are most likely to move him.

he didn't have it in him to keep fighting because the way my husband thinks is - to have lost his family, he didn't give a damn anymore.

Sad, but that was his own sick thinking. I could have gone the same route, thought the same thing, and justified doing to immoral things that I was constantly tempted with. I chose otherwise, and he could have to. That wasn't your fault, that was his weakness, his poor judgement.

I knew it and yet I believed...but it wasn't long before he was bringing liquor into the house.

Hopefully you won't beat yourself up over that. Trust me, at Alanon, you'll meet a whole bunch of people that got suckered in just like you.

But instead of her conditioning him, he conditioned her and now she's his protector and his enabler. And I have continued to be, as well.

Well I guess you can see how you've contributed to the delinquency. No problem, just do some 180's and change your world.

Love,

COG