Chat with OPs spouse?

[runningoutoftime]

Les,

Just being cheated on is being shafted.

[lester]

I think IL is no fault so don't know if it matters.

[lester]

true, running. Today's been odd I haven't hated her all day. I'm really becoming indifferent. I guess maybe that's why I don't care as much if there's fallout now.

[runningoutoftime]

Not sure how they could? What do you worry might happen? Particularly if it's only shared as suspicion.... I think that seems safer. Since proof can usually be argued away (unless it's photos from a hotel room, kissing, etc...).

Although, I guess I can understand your hesitiation. I remember worrying about this too. I had no worries about contacting OW (and I was just seeking information and answers, no blame or anger initially), but OW's husband did worry me a bit.

[runningoutoftime]

>>true, running. Today's been odd I haven't hated her all day. I'm really becoming indifferent. I guess maybe that's why I don't care as much if there's fallout now. <<


Sometimes it's nice just to get the secrets out and the weight off your shoulders. But I think it's probably wise to consider all angles and be prepared for whatever fallout might occur... like an atomic bomb!

[saffie]

I just think you need to be cautious. The OP's S will in the end be more worried about themselves and their own M than they are about you and yours. They will be more willing to believe their own S - esp if they think it will lead to reconciliation and a continued future with their S if that's what they want. While you are useful to them they will be your allie but basically they don't owe you anything just because their S is cheating with yours.

My H's OW's S didn't give a shi!t about me and helping me. Once that was obvious I just used him to feed info to OW that I wanted her to get.

Saffie

[lester]

Yeah for sure that's why I came here. It's always such a good sounding board especially when others have done the exact same thing. Okay, so I'll have to plan this. I know they tend to hang out from 1-2pm so maybe if I head to his house (late lunch from work) around 1pm I have some garantee he's not there. But since I've never spoken with her I don't know if she has some sort of schedule like always takes kids to park at 1pm. Hmm.. maybe I could vary lunch schedule (they literally live 5mins away from where I work is that not irony). Once I know what her approximate schedule is then I can approach.

I don't want to call since that will be on the cell bill. I want to keep it hushed if possible but prepared for it not to be.

[lester]

what kind of info can you feed OM thru the wife? You mean like W said, "You know I really appreciate how smart you are.. OM is kinda stupid at times". Do you mean like that kind of passing on something that would upset them?

Yeah, that doesn't sound like a bad idea. Of course, he would then know where his wife got the info

[runningoutoftime]

Gosh, I don't think I would want to meet OPs spouse in person. That could be ackward in the future. You may run into them locally... I might consider calling from work and leaving an anonoymous message (or talk to them) and explain something like.... I thought maybe you should know... but it appears that your H may be having an A .... you can include your W's first name or not and any further info you may think is important. But I'd think the less the better since you may not want to become too involved with this. This way you are informing this person about something that is affecting their marriage, but still maintaining a distance.

I'd try to stay out of the drama, and not feed information, or seek too much out at this point. Basically you're just helping eliminate the secrecy with as little gunpowder as possible.

[Yoyowife]

Lester,
The other H tried to call me twice tonight. I ignored the call both times. He has called everynight since Sunday. I just am tired of the "info".